Doctors, please listen

I am in chronic pain. I have always been in some amount of pain. It’s become increasingly unbearable over the past 25 years. It’s not just all in my head.

I have always been overweight. I have always had high cholesterol. I have always had high triglycerides. No amount of chiding me about “diet” and “exercise” will change that. I am not lying to you about my dietary habits. I am not constantly shoveling down huge quantities of fast food. I exercise when I can, as much as I can. I mostly cook for myself, and I cook healthy foods.

The thing I eat the most of is salad!

There is probably a link between high triglycerides and fibromyalgia. There is a lot of evidence supporting that. But correlation is not causation. Given my lifestyle and dietary habits it seems unlikely that it’s the triglycerides causing the fibromyalgia. It’s probably the other way around, or there’s a common cause to both that has not yet been identified.

Treating me like a FUCKING CHILD WHO DOESN’T KNOW MY OWN BODY isn’t how to get me to feel better. Instead of just assuming that I don’t understand nutrition and don’t understand exercise and that I’m eating too much and drinking and smoking all the time, maybe. FUCKING. just FUCKING. LISTEN to me.

I promise that I am not lying about these things. I want to get better. It’s why I’m fucking coming to you.

While we’re at it, yes, I have sleep apnea of some sort, but three sleep studies have had conflicting results and either way, CPAP wasn’t helpful, and my most recent sleep study did not support the ongoing use of it. It wasn’t my choice to stop using it, it was AN ACTUAL FUCKING SLEEP DOCTOR who told me to stop using it and who stopped authorizing the refresh of the equipment. Which, you know. Requires a prescription. From a doctor. And I monitor my oxygen and heart rate most nights, and the metrics show that any breathing pauses are brief. And no I don’t want to be having them either! But chiding me for not using a CPAP that I’m not authorized to have isn’t. FUCKING. Helpful.

(And even if I did have obstructive apnea, most signs point to obstructive apnea causing weight gain, not the other way around.)

I am well aware that my lab results are troublesome. I am doing what I can. Don’t infantilize me and assume that I don’t understand that High Numbers Are Bad.

And yes I’ve tried statins and they just make me unable to move at all because of excruciating pain, and the same thing happened with fenofibrate. I’d be taking them if I could! I actually do want to get better! I am not making excuses! I am not being stubborn! It’s not like I have some sort of secret hatred of being on medication. Some people have a weird sense of pride about not taking meds, about seeing them as a failure. I don’t.

I rarely eat fast food. I rarely drink soda or have candy. I don’t smoke tobacco. I have maybe one alcoholic drink a month, and by “one” drink I actually mean one. Like a small glass of wine, or a beer.

I don’t deep-fry foods. When I shallow-fry it’s using olive oil, and not much of it at that. I eat fish and chicken and lean beef and lean pork, and I’m not even eating that much of any of those things. And yes I am, in fact, taking fish oil! This is not new advice, and not a quick fix!

The issue is not with my behavior, or my own neglect, it’s with something fundamentally wrong with my body.

I am well aware that high triglycerides lead to other health problems. You don’t need to lecture me about that. I am trying to get them as low as I can. My body refuses to cooperate.

Doctor appointments are short enough as they are. Maybe spend the 10-15 minutes we have together listening to me instead of lecturing me based on your fucking incorrect assumptions.

Last night, after a week of no sugar at all and minimal carbohydrates, I checked my blood glucose levels (using a meter that I paid for with my own money and bought on my own volition). They were 133mg/dL. There is no way I fucking brought that on myself.

Miss me with your fucking lectures.


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