Ketamine 3.5

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Yesterday’s infusion left me feeling a lot more wobbly than usual today, but it was also a huge increase in dose. I ended up going to Taco Bell for lunch since it’s the only place within walking distance (EDIT: not actually the only place in walking distance but the quickest and easiest option for food near my home that I don’t have to prepare myself), and I decided to get a lunch combo, and in my haze I decided to make my drink Mountain Dew Baja Blast, which is rather high in caffeine.

So, on the minus side, I now have the strongest caffeine headache I’ve had in about 10 years when I first had to go cold turkey on it.

But on the plus side it’s just a caffeine headache, and not a panic attack!

I think this is evidence that the ketamine treatments are working, and maybe this means I’ll be able to go back on Adderall when this is all over with.

I don’t know if this has done anything for my chronic pain just yet, but those things are so interrelated anyway. So this is pretty promising in any case.

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Caffeine acclimation

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I’ve mentioned before how I used to self-medicate my undiagnosed ADHD with a trickle of caffeine until I started getting anxiety problems from it. I’ve also mentioned how post-diagnosis I’ve had trouble finding a medication which has worked for me, and I’ve tried slowly reacclimating myself to caffeine during periods between medications.

At my new job we have a pretty decent automatic espresso-drink maker, and out of curiosity I’ve tried slowly consuming one coffee drink over the course of each morning, and so far that’s actually working pretty well for me. Inasmuch as it’s not giving me a panic attack. It hasn’t really helped me with my focus, but maybe this is a sign I can try having more and maybe it won’t make me feel like I’m going to die!

I’m not about to start slamming the energy drinks or anything, but still, I’m glad that I’ve at least been able to get back a thing that’s been missing for the past decade.

It’s official

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I have an official ADHD diagnosis, and a psychiatrist I also think is pretty darn good.

(Her actual statement: “I think it’s pretty clear you have ADHD.” Go figure.)

Anyway. My HMO has a very specific medication schedule and the only non-stimulant medication they allow needs a very good reason, so we’re going to try Concerta (which is a time-release form of Ritalin) and see if that hecks me up too much. Also being basically legal meth, one of its side effects is weight loss, and I certainly wouldn’t mind that one.

I’ve been spending the last few weeks slowly ramping up my caffeine consumption and while my tolerance isn’t nearly where it was before the garbage fire that was late 2011, so maybe this won’t be too much of a shock to the system.

On that note I’ve been enjoying my return to coffee snobbery. I ended up buying a Fellow Prismo (obligatory James Hoffmann review) and some of their fancy tasting glasses. They should arrive on Friday. It’ll be interesting to have “espresso-style coffee” out of my Aeropress. Also I seem to be accumulating quite the collection of coffee brewing paraphernalia.

I am also very tempted to get a Rok now. Maybe I should, like, get a decently-paying job first.