Plaidophile

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003.

Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me.

Since nobody in this timeline seems to be able to deliver what I need (safely here to me), I will have to build a simple time travel circuit to get where I need myself. While it might be hard to find parts in this time to build anything decent, I need easy to follow schematics from the future to build one which is safe and accurate that will not disrupt the time space continuum with both forward and backward capability accounting for temporal location settings (X, Y, Z), which can be built out of (readily available) parts here in 2003.

— Brian Appel

Wow, that's a tough one...

Actually, one of the things you may not realize is that practically every house in the United States (and many in Canada) are equipped with everything you need.

It's a scarcely-known fact that the natural resonance frequency of the universe as a whole is about 60Hz. If you've ever made an audio recording on extremely sensitive equipment and heard a deep-pitched hum, then you've heard this exact phenomenon; look at the sound in a spectrum analyser and you'll see that the base frequency is around 60Hz, with a variety of harmonic frequencies (120Hz, 240Hz, etc.) carrying off of it.

The harmonic frequencies are a natural dampening effect to compensate for the resonance of the universe to keep things within a relatively constrained point in spacetime. (After all, we can't have particles zipping back and forth between here and two weeks in the future all willy-nilly; think of what it would do to the stock market!) So, in order to create a positive dimensional field flux, you have to disrupt these harmonic frequencies.

Now, as anyone who has ever studied sound in detail knows, any frequency will resonate with a properly-tuned metal object, and by playing the exact same frequencies with the phase reversed, the frequencies will cancel out. So, what you need to do is to find something which resonates with a base frequency of 120Hz and use it and its harmonics to cancel out the field in order to open the dimensional flux which you need.

At this point you're probably wondering what it is that is in every household in America (and parts of Canada) which can be used for this purpose! As you are a foreigner to this time (if not place), you probably don't realize that most houses are equipped with dimensional flux agitation ports, which amplify the natural 60Hz base frequency of the universe in order to provide energy potential to the various devices which we use in our everyday lives. Find a nearby wall, and look around for a rectangular plate which will usually have two receptacles in it (each with two flat vertical slots, and often with a round transductional mode port either above or below the slots). It is the slots which are of interest to us, as they are the dimensional resonance amplifiers. (You can tell this by the fact that they are vertical, and thus aligned with the polarization of Earth's gravitational field. This is why it's extremely important to only use vertically-oriented resonance amplifiers!)

So, now we just need to find something which will resonate at the dampening frequencies (again, 120Hz) and can then cancel it out. Essentially, we need pieces of metal which resonate at that frequency. Since the speed of light is 3*10⁸ m/s, the resonant frequency will be most strongly excited in a piece of metal which is 2.5*10⁶ meters long. Obviously, this is unfeasible, but there is a shortcut, using a feedback isolation loop.

Most households in America (and, again, many in Canada) will have a drawer full of feedback isolation loops. These are a flat metal sheet with four prongs on the end, about 2.5cm (2.5*10^-2 meters) long. As such, one loop represents 5.0*10^-2 meters of the resonant potential, which is essentially two 10¹⁰ths of the length needed to resonate the dimensional flux potential. This is perfect, as it means that this feedback isolation loop will essentially build up to the full resonant frequency in a very short time period. (Each cycle will double the resonance, so it will take about log₂0.5*10¹⁰=2.32 cycles to reach the critical resonance, which at 60Hz is about 0.04 of a second.)

So, here is what you do: First, take the resonant frequency loop isolator and bend the two central pins back. Next, get a firm grip on the loop isolator just below the base of the pins. Finally, insert the loop isolator into the dimensional resonance amplifier slots while visualizing your final destination (as the resonance amplifiers will use the conscious thoughts of the observer to form the necessary resonance waves in order to manipulate spacetime in the necessary manner); since it is vitally important that you keep all thoughts out of your mind aside from the final destination, it is a good idea to also repeatedly say, "There's no place like [my final destination]" in order to lock it exclusively into your conscious thought patterns. (For example, if you're trying to get to the laundromat, you would visualize the laundromat and say, "There's no place like the laundromat, there's no place like the laundromat," and so on.)

Good luck!