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August 7, 2004

Omelets ()

by fluffy at 8:43 PM
Right now I wish I could wrap up a blowjob and send it by mail, because Alton Brown totally deserves one for his show on omelets.

I finally made an omelet for the first time since I saw that particular episode, and it is, without a doubt, the best omelet I've ever had.

The particular steps I took were:

  • Put three eggs in a warm water bath to bring them up to room temperature
  • Finely chop some green bell pepper, scallions, and pepperoni (the real stuff which comes in the casing and everything, not the crap they put on pizza) and sauteé for a few minutes
  • Whisk the eggs (I actually used a fork, not a whisk — please don't tell Alton, because he spent like 10 minutes of the episode showing exactly why to use a whisk and exactly which kind to use!) along with 1/4 tsp of kosher salt (Alton always uses kosher salt and so I haven't even bought the regular kind yet!) until they're light and slightly fluffy
  • Heat a clean, stainless steel pan with a very light coating of oil (I used canola spray), and pour the egg mixture into it
  • Swirl the egg with a fork until it begins to set
  • Have Alton's voice pop into your head reminding you that at this point you just need to let it be and wait while it sets, because anything you do to the omelet will ruin it (a step I almost forgot!)
  • When the topmost bit of egg is nearly set, use your spatula (which he spent another 10 minutes selecting) to scrape around the edges, then very carefully lift underneath the omelet, sliding it out onto a plate
  • Fill with the filling, and fold the sides over in thirds
  • Very lightly sprinkle black pepper and freshly-grated cheddar cheese on top
If you follow those steps exactly, you will hopefully know the culinary orgasm I just had.

On another culinary orgasm note, earlier today I went, for the first time in my life, to Fürni IKEA, which runs a free shuttle bus from the Port Authority bus terminal. The first thing I did there was went to the restaurant, because I was hungry, and was amazed by the selection of food — it was mostly gourmet-quality high-end cuisine for prices way lower than what I normally pay for lunch around here. It makes me wish I worked near IKEA so I could eat lunch there every day. I had some amazingly good basil pesto pasta with crawfish (I'd never had crawfish before either), and it was only like $4 for the plate. I rounded it out with a small side salad (75 cents!) and a drink. Though, those crazy Swedes sure love themselves some lingenberries. The lingenberry sauce on the crayfish was pretty good, and the lingenberry vinaigrette on the salad was okay, but the lingenberry juice just seemed kind of excessive.

(I didn't end up buying anything else there, but I was there to browse and am probably going to order things from the catalog now that I know what their stuff looks like, and also how much they charge for shipping directly from the store... Also, the walkthrough was very helpful; I didn't realize how true it was without having been to an IKEA before. Now I know, and knowing's half the battle.)

Comments

#3277 08/08/2004 09:02 am
> Right now I wish I could wrap up a blowjob and send it by mail, because Alton Brown totally deserves one for his show on omelets.

Well, that mental image certainlly killed any blowjob fantasies I may have had today.. Or this month for that matter. ;p
#3278 08/08/2004 11:54 am
I don't think you understand the full extent of just how amazing this omelet was.

I wonder how a blowjob-by-mail service would work. Maybe it'd be like a singing telegram, only their mouth would be full.
#3279 08/08/2004 01:58 pm
That must have been one hell of an omelet, that's for sure.

I don't know why I didn't comment on this earlier, but Ikea is definitely a great place to shop. I'm surprised you haven't been there before. It's the kind of place where everyday useful items(kitchen utensils, pots, dinnerware sets, etc..) are really low prices, yet a simple looking couch costs about a grand. There are no shades of gray. Everything either costs too little or too much. Yet everything there has enough utility to be very practical. The restaurant alone is worth the trip for me. I go there once every four or five months just to restock candles and tea lites. So it's more of a treat for me than a ritual. {=)
#3280 08/08/2004 02:46 pm
I haven't been to Ikea before because I haven't been near Ikea before. The closest we had in New Mexico was a local store called Tema which wasn't an experience so much as overpriced Danish furniture which looked like it came off the set of A Clockwork Orange. Well, and Target, which seems to be going for the same niche these days, though Target's in-store furniture is pretty limited (though that's mostly what I had when I was a grad student).

The problem I'm running into with Ikea stuff is that all the stuff I want is only available in-store, which means paying like $100+ for shipping (catalog shipping is much less). So a lot of these things I'm just going to order from Target, because these days Target has some pretty nice stuff with free shipping which is actually better than the equivalent Ikea stuff.

The main thing, though, is just that I can't find any pieces of furniture which handle my needs for my electronics just yet. Specifically, I want something which doubles both as an entertainment center and a computer workstation, which probably means getting a low desk-like thing and a separate rack-style audio shelf. But then there's the issues of component width (my stereo is quite wide and deep, and most of the vertical shelving I've seen doesn't look like it's wide enough for the PS2 even though that's standard audio component width, and of course most video game systems are top-loaders and so on), and other similar nonsense. Also the issue of chairs, and how to deal with the various wires between the monitor, my laptop, the external firewire drive, the Wacom, and so on.

Ikea's "Journalist" line is nearly perfect for what I want, but it's still not quite right, and many of the parts seem to be in-store-only. Which is retarded.
#3281 08/08/2004 08:30 pm Omelets
I made myself a spinach/mushroom birthday omelet for myself this morning. Tasty. We didn't have swiss, though, so I had to make do with jack cheese. Not blowjob worthy.

I need a new omelet pan...the one we have is trashed. Sad
#3286 08/09/2004 04:47 am
I recommend the Emerilware stainless steel one (or All-Clad if you want the same thing without the Emeril branding).
#3288 terpia (unregistered) 08/09/2004 04:03 pm Alton Brown
I just can't get over two issues. One is that his episodes can be very close-minded, as if there aren't any alternatives. The other is the super dicky and lame interview he gave to Slashdot. Yeah, you heard me. I still read Slashdot... but I really remember that crappy interiew and it still pisses me off. Sadly, I haven't been able to enjoy his show much since then, which is a pity because prior to that I really dug it.
#3291 08/09/2004 05:58 pm
I read /. too. I must have missed the Alton Brown interview though. I'll have to check it out. Hm.

Also, I think that his closed-mindedness is part of the 'charm,' like it's supposed to be obvious that you really don't have to be that totally neurotic about everything. And he does provide alternatives in many cases. He's just very pragmatic and anal, but he also gives some very good advice.
#3293 08/09/2004 06:15 pm
Just read it. I don't see what's so assy about it... I guess the answer to the lava-cooking question could be considered such maybe.
#3298 terpia (unregistered) 08/10/2004 09:58 am
The lava-cooking answer he gave was definitely lame, but perhaps I need to re-read the interview to find out if I was maybe just in a bad mood when i read it originally (wasn't that about two years ago?).
#3300 08/10/2004 11:42 am
I dunno, /. is horrible about letting you know what year an article is, especially ever since they moved to that GSID/GCID mechanism.
#3305 08/10/2004 06:46 pm
Nah, /. is just fine with telling you what year something was from if you set the preferences properly.
#3637 jecki (unregistered) 09/30/2004 01:27 pm Alton Brown totally deserves blowjob
Alton Brown totally deserves blowjob.
#3638 09/30/2004 07:41 pm
Hello Kitty?!