Plaidophile

I'm tired, I haven't eaten anything today, I didn't get much sleep, I'm cranky, I need a hug, I need sleep, I need some time alone to myself.

I need Antoine to stop complaining to me about code I didn't write being uncommented, especially when his own code isn't exactly the library of Alexandria either.

I need people to stop pestering me about every single little issue they runs into when I'm already busy juggling three other things which are way more important than him building a release version of the ROM, and I need one of the other programmers to stop blowing up at me when I ask him if it's necessary for him to do this right now. And I need to stop being the one to have to apologize for his cuntishness, because even though I know I could have used a better wording than "Is this really necessary right now?" it certainly did not warrant the response I got from him.

I need time to code things right instead of just rushing through them, and I need the writers and so on to stop thinking that a minor bug in code is something unfixable and a huge design flaw. I need people to stop expecting instant results out of me when I haven't been able to start on something because I've been busy on other things or waiting for other people to get stuff done.

Earlier today we were getting a demo build done, doing lots of last-second integration of the music which I didn't have into a test game which wasn't complete. More stupid braindeadnesses on the app end required some special-case handling of the music engine. They didn't work because I didn't notice that I was passing the wrong pointer type in. (Serves me right for using a void* parameter.) Lots of stress happened, and it just seemed like things which were working perfectly were being arbitrary about not working. I got mad, and I shouted "FUCK" or similar, and everyone told me to relax, to take it easy, but keeping that pent up inside wouldn't have helped. I needed a pressure release.

A few minutes later, the producer needed one of the writers for something, but the writer was wearing headphones. I was still feeling pent-up rage, and tried my hardest to just politely get his attention, but I guess I yelled his name pretty loud, since the producer told me to "ease up." I apologized, went back to my desk, and read my daily comics. I still feel like I need to go into a dark, quiet room, have a good cry, and kick the shit out of something. But I don't have any dark, quiet rooms to go into right now.

I need to have just one week where I'm not working 75+ hours, spending every waking minute either at work getting pummelled from all sides or on the subway.

Fuck.