Well there's one now.

Main Usage

From: me@example.com
To: hikensha@beesbuzz.biz
Subject: plaidfluff

doot doot doot

Outlook

The exact Outlook macro I use is this (only changed slightly from MS's example in order to format the message for Hikensha):

 Private Sub Application_Reminder(ByVal Item As Object)
   If Item.Sensitivity <> olConfidential Then
      If TypeOf Item Is AppointmentItem Then SendApptReminder Item
      If TypeOf Item Is MailItem Then SendMailReminder Item
      If TypeOf Item Is TaskItem Then SendTaskReminder Item
   End If
End Sub

Private Sub SendApptReminder(ByRef Item As AppointmentItem)
   SendPage Item.Subject & vbCrLf & FormatDateTime(Item.Start, vbShortTime) & _
      "-" & FormatDateTime(Item.End, vbShortTime) & vbCrLf & _
      Item.Location
End Sub

Private Sub SendMailReminder(ByRef Item As MailItem)
   SendPage "Mail: " & Item.Subject
End Sub

Private Sub SendTaskReminder(ByRef Item As TaskItem)
   SendPage "Task: " & Item.Subject & vbCrLf & Item.Body
End Sub

Private Sub SendPage(ByRef Body As String)
   Dim oEmail As Object
   Set oEmail = Application.CreateItem(olMailItem)
   oEmail.Subject = "plaidfluff"
   oEmail.Body = Body
   oEmail.Recipients.Add "hikensha@beesbuzz.biz"
   oEmail.Send
End Sub

So what this does is when, say, a meeting reminder comes up in Outlook, it sends the following message:

To: hikensha@beesbuzz.biz
From: [redacted]@[employer].com
Subject: plaidfluff

Broomball practice
6:00 PM - 7:00 PM
PAC Lawn
Let's practice Broomball so we can get better.

By the way, I highly recommend self-signing the macro so that you can safely run it without getting a prompt every time you start Outlook. The short of it is that you run Digital Certificate For VBA Projects (buried under 'Microsoft Office Tools'), generate a certificate, then in the macro editor go to |Tools >Digital Signature and then click on "Choose." The rest should be self-explanatory.

Notes

The AIM side is a bot which runs on a slightly-modified version of PHPTocLib, and the email side is a procmail recipe which feeds a shell script which calls a Perl script (I'll probably consolidate both those parts into a single script but I like doing process control stuff better in sh than in Perl).

Hikensha's command prompt is inscrutable on purpose. Just remember that it's not having a conversation with you, it just has a strange way of saying "bad command or filename."

Also, it should go without saying but this is non-guaranteed. I only set this up for my own jollies and because I find it offensive that AOL would charge something like $30/month for this basic level of functionality.