Plaidophile

Nicole just replied to my email:

I am sorry for your loss. Yes, according to CC&Rs pets are prohibited in the building. I am not in favor of changing our pet policy. However, if the animal is a "companion" animal and has the proper certification it is by law allowable. This is limited to one pet I believe. I see no issue with you keeping your pet as long as you go through the proper channels and certification is approved. I just ask on a personal note that Werner have proper flea prevention measures.

Since she is the one who had an issue with pets in the building to begin with, this is a HUGE load off my mind.

I guess I need to finish getting him certified.

Here is a letter I am drafting to the other members of my HOA regarding my cat. I intend to send it after it goes through several revisions (and only if I've decided to keep him after all), as I don't want to cause particular conflict between myself and neighbors but I also don't want to give up my rights. Please let me know what you think.

Werner has been such a source of stress in my life in many aspects, and it's when I adopted him that I started getting the really bad anxiety/stress problems. Even before finding out pets aren't allowed in this building I was feeling like I should have never adopted him to begin with. He's a very high-maintenance cat and I just can't give him the attention he needs.

I love him a lot and I feel like this is the best thing for him. I'll probably post something to Craigslist tonight.

8:58 (But first I've emailed some friends of mine who also have a Russian Blue and have mentioned that said cat could use some companionship.)

even if my neighbors aren't.

We had an HOA meeting tonight and the subject of "pets in the building" came up (because of the issue that, as it turns out, has nothing to do with a pet that was in the building). Kelli (property manager) was good about keeping things under wraps regarding my situation. Nicole (next door neighbor) was VERY VERY ADAMANT that there should NOT be any pets in the building, because she has this seething hatred of yappy dogs and doesn't seem to care about the fact that different pets have different dispositions and it's really NOT THAT HARD to write a regulation that allows non-disruptive animals. The tone of the discussion gave me a major anxiety attack that was very difficult to hold back until the meeting ended (but I managed).

Anyway I'm feeling better because I found that there is a law that requires CC&Rs written before 2001 to be amended specifically with pet restrictions, and that there cannot be any restriction that entirely prevents anyone from having a single pet (i.e. it seems to require that a unit's owner be allowed to keep at least one non-disruptive pet). Also the CC&Rs don't state anything about dealing with violations of them (fines, removal of the pet, etc.) so that means that the CC&Rs themselves are illegal in this case.

Nicole is completely oblivious to the fact that I have a cat so obviously Werner is non-disruptive. So I'm feeling a bit better. I've forwarded this stuff on to Kelli, and in the meantime I've also asked my therapist to write a letter so I can get Werner classified as an "emotional support" service animal.

If my neighbors have a problem with this they can take it up with the law, because I am NOT losing this cat because a couple of busybodies are concerned about the possible disruptions due to a situation that doesn't exist. (Especially considering how many SEVERE disruptions I put up with, especially from these very same neighbors, on a continuous basis.)

When I first thought of adopting a pet three years ago I was absolutely positive that my HOA (HomeOwner Association) CCRs (Community Codes and Regulations) explicitly stated that unit owners can, at their discretion, keep as many as two animals that are not vermin and not for livestock purposes. I remember it quite clearly because of the way it was worded per livestock. Due to the non-stop stressfest that is my life since last August, Werner showing up in my RSS feed in December was a perfect bit of timing, and I was positive that I could and should adopt him.

It's been a bit over two months together and now I might have to say goodbye to him.

I've been slowly training Werner to go on walks.

I'm trying to stick to the protocol in that article, although I'm probably pushing Werner a lot harder than I should. At this point I've managed to take him out twice, once last Sunday and once this morning. Getting him into the back yard is a bit of a challenge but when I get him there he enjoys himself for a little while before he gets freaked out and wants to go back inside. When I do get him back inside he gets really confused by how different floors work; the hallway to the yard is downstairs from me, and he always tries to go into my downstairs neighbor's unit. Carrying him back up the stairs when he's already freaked out is even more difficult than carrying him down them to begin with.

So far he seems to enjoy the yard, though. It's just the getting between there and the apartment that's a problem.

Also, once he's outside he has absolutely no interest in the treats.

Werner is less-than-pleased, but my home seems to be filling up with robots as of late.

To wit, in addition to the two Keepons, I also now have a Sphero, a Neato Robotic Vacuum (which is so far way better than the Roomba ever was), and a Homedics shiatsu massager. The last one isn't generally considered a robot, but I can't really see anything about it that's any less robotty than, say, the Neato, and it's a labor-saving device that does something automatically and makes loud motor noises and keeps me from playing with Werner so in his mind it's all the same anyway.

I also got a PS Vita and a bunch of games for it and have basically just played a lot of Lumines because what other games do you need, anyway?

Basically my twelve-year-old self is really happy right now.

So after getting home and getting the aforementioned bill, I was very frustrated. I called the billing department, which of course had an overly-cheery answering machine that just said that the office was closed and to please call back during business hours, but to leave a message I could press 1. I pressed 1 and it just replayed that message. So I hung up.

Then I sat down to type up the angry blog entry previously, and Werner jumped on my lap and as always started getting "playful" with my mouse. I lost it and yelled at him, and he was completely shocked and ran off in fear. I felt like the worst person in the world.

A few minutes later he came out and I decided I'd play with him again with his favorite toy (a stick with a long swatch of multicolored fabric) to try to calm down, and then I just got another twitch while thinking about the stupid bill and everything else, and I just felt like I needed to let out a lot of anger and just started whipping at the ground and I guess I started swearing louder and louder, and then Werner ran off, completely frightened, yet again, and it was several minutes before I calmed down enough to find Werner and pet him and apologize and calm him down.

Right now he's sitting next to me, and I know that I wouldn't do anything to actually hurt him (and that if I did hurt him I don't know what I'd even do) and I just need to pet him and talk softly to him and not think about the things that make me so angry.

I need a healthier outlet.

At this point, Werner is basically Toby, only bluish-gray, and with a Shooby-esque tendency to headbutt (and Shooby-esque butt hygiene, unfortunately). We're getting along fine although he seems to get bored easily.

Also he's a dangerously smart cat. He's figured out how to open my closet doors, so it's hard to keep things off-limits from him. He especially likes the front hall closet, which is full of dust and crap and also potentially-dangerous tools that I'd rather he not prowl around near. But it's mostly the dust that I'd like him to avoid.

I think the big breakthrough came on Saturday when I decided to give him a bath (because his fur was filthy). He actually didn't mind it too much, and he's been a lot more affectionate since then. I did make the mistake of using some fairly fragrant shampoo on him, though, and he still smells of it, which makes me think that he hasn't been keeping himself clean since then, probably because of said shampoo. I think I'll just keep bathing him once a week or until he stops putting up with it.

Or "catus," if you will.

• They are not birds. The "duck" bill is an example of convergent evolution. They do not have feathers. They are not in any way "avian."
• Their eggs are soft-shelled and leathery like a snake's, not hard like a chicken's.
• The tail is shaped somewhat like a beaver's, but it's not actually a beaver tail (to start with, it's furred); it's a rudder and a fat reserve, not a piece of construction equipment. This also does not mean that they are in any other way like a beaver. In particular they don't have buckteeth, or in fact teeth at all. Moreover, this means that their tails are not like that of the following species:
  • Fox
  • Wolf
  • Squirrel
  • Dinosaur
  • Whatever the hell it is has long flowing locks of hair instead of a tail
• They do not have breasts or nipples. They secrete milk directly through the skin. I suppose you could take some artistic license and make them a bit curvy but they still shouldn't have gigantic nipples with areolae.
• Being monotremes (which literally means "one hole"), they have a cloaca, which the penis or vagina is hidden in. A hermaphroditic platypus would probably look just like a male platypus. They would not let it all "hang out."
• Also, if you really must insist on drawing one in a state of arousal, the penis has four heads on it.

1. The interview went very well and they will be making me an offer in two weeks after they do the full research into what I'm worth (they have a fixed payscale based on experience and skills)
2. Animal control found Shooby this morning (after three weeks)

And then I also just found out that Shooby Taylor who I named my cat after died back in June, but nobody who actually gave a shit found out until September 9th. Argh.