Plaidophile

dancing reminded me that I haven't posted any updates about my cats, which are apparently the most important thing I could talk about right now (which is probably true).

It only took a few days for Werner and Fiona to start getting along with each other, and within a week they were even sharing the same surface. They're still not QUITE sleeping together, and Werner doesn't seem to want to play with Fiona, but Fiona's a bundle of infinite chaotic energy and these days Werner would rather just hang out and chill.

Having Fiona around does make Werner a lot less neurotic, which is good. So even if they're not doing anything together (and they might be when I'm not around — it's possible that when I'm home they both would rather spend time with me than with each other) it's still had the desired effect of making Werner generally happier, or at least less difficult.

Fiona seems to be of average intelligence for a cat (whereas Werner is some sort of feline super-genius with an obvious level of self-awareness that most cats simply do not possess). Like Werner she likes having constant attention, and vocalizes quite a lot. Unlike Werner she'll actually associate with strangers who come by.

She's also a lot more brash and curious than him; we've had a long-running thing where she tries to trick me into letting her out and behaves as if that's just the natural order of things. For example, Spud and his family were over a week ago, and when they headed out the door, Fiona followed them with a "oh I guess I should be going too!" demeanor. And of course every time I open the door to go out (or come home) she tries to escape, but she doesn't run out, she just sort of saunters. So far she's only made it into the hallway before she gets confused about where to go next, at least. (Also, she's microchipped, in case she DOES somehow manage to get out.)

She's also spoiled rotten already. It's amazing how quickly she went from "yay I have a new home!" to "GIMME TREATS!!! I want what you're eating! PLAY WITH ME! Where's my toys?!" princess mode.

She also loves to play with her toys a lot, and ends up hiding them in weird places. Every few days I have to remove a cache of toys from under the oven, and I suspect there's quite a few behind the washing machine (which isn't easy to get behind). Fortunately I have a lot of them.

For the last few weeks, Werner has been getting progressively more and more skittish about being home alone all day, especially with it being dark out most of the time and with my new home not having a good view for him to appreciate during the day. So today I went to Paws and adopted a second cat. She (currently unnamed but I'm taking suggestions) is about 1.5 years old and was formerly a stray, but she gets along well with other cats and is quite playful.

I tried doing the easy-and-slow introduction thing by keeping her in my bedroom, but she was meowing very loudly and pathetically and Werner was getting suspicious anyway, so I opened my bedroom door and let her wander around upstairs unsupervised. Then she made her way downstairs to where Werner was hanging out. Werner saw her, puffed up and hissed, and she walked right up to him and rubbed noses with him, then walked right past him. Werner was more than a little confused by this.

Anyway, it's been a couple hours and she's still just wandering around and he's still upset at her presence and lurking in dark corners and hissing and growling whenever she wanders by, but it always takes a few days for cats to get acquainted with each other, and Werner's been the only cat in the house for close to a year now so he'll have to readjust to having an actual friend around.

I'm thinking I'll name her "Lady." (She's multi-colored, and her meow sounds like her potential namesake did in the pilot.)

I guess it's been a while since I've posted, so here it is in brief:

• Job is going pretty good so far. The way computers are set up now is very different than five years ago, so I was able to actually figure out a decent work setup that works well. Also, my coworkers are pretty excellent, and in particular I'm getting along well with one of the engineers who is an old friendly curmudgeon from Syria. I'm also getting a handle on the codebase quicker than I expected, and this team is way more laid-back than anyone else I've worked with.
• My offer on the Firehouse 25 condo still stands, and I just accepted an offer on my condo in SF (whee). The offer I accepted wasn't as high as I was hoping for but it was still above my asking price and makes the timing work out really nicely (and my realtor pointed out that because of labor day and Burning Man I'm unlikely to get more offers in the next couple weeks anyway, and then that means it'll be sitting on the market for a while and that has a way of tainting things). I'm still making a decent profit on it anyway.
• I got sick of not having any guitars with me and I figure I need a better 6-string acoustic, and Guitar Center is just up the street from where I'm staying, so I figured...
• Werner is still going nuts, but hopefully he won't have to put up with this crappy apartment much longer.
• The ISP situation in Seattle proper is pretty dismal. Looks like the only real choice right now is Comcast. Maybe Paul Allen will stop working on his urban-renewal vanity projects and start trying to establish a FTTH provider to improve the city that's already here. But I'm not holding my breath.
• My wrists still suck, my butt still sucks, and I still have anxiety issues, but somehow life goes on.

So, training Werner to be on a leash is one of the more useful things I've done with him. When we were travelling I found it easier to deal with him on the leash than to try to get him into his carrier (when taking him between the car and the hotel room, for example).

Today he was completely wigging out because of how small and constrained this temporary apartment is, so today after dinner I put him on the leash and gave him a walk around the apartment building. We went out on the second-floor deck, as well, and while he was freaking out a little he generally behaved really well.

Then someone else in the building was walking her dog, and while the dog just looked curiously at Werner, Werner was extremely scared. His tail went full-on bottle brush. But he still just stayed put and didn't make any noises, and the dog owner and I chatted a bit and then finally she went on her way, and Werner calmed down.

I let him lead the way for most of the rest (although I encouraged him in the direction of our apartment), and for the most part there were no more incidents, except that he tried hiding from someone else walking through the hall, but it was easy enough to keep him put and then the rest was fine, and then we got inside and he seemed to be feeling a lot better.

So, yeah. Leash-training cats: not a bad idea.

Werner behaved the whole way; at one point he did come in the front and tried to get in my lap but a stern "no" convinced him to just sit next to me. Driving in downtown Seattle is trickier than I remember it being, but I pretty much avoided it the whole time I lived here anyway so whatever.

The soulless corporate housing is, unsurprisingly, soulless and corporate. Just another incentive to buy a new place sooner rather than later. Sure don't want to spend the full two months here. Werner's running around the place trying to find out if there's more than there first appears to be. (There isn't. This apartment is actually smaller than the hotel room I stayed in last night.)

Doing a load of laundry, probably going to take a shower. Would be nice to meet up with local friends for dinner but that seems unlikely at this point, so maybe I'll just reacquaint myself with Belltown.

Today the movers came to take away all my stuff. Werner was a bit freaked out by all the activity but I ended up putting him out on the balcony and he was really well-behaved. Then the movers finished around 1:30, and Werner was freaked out by everything being empty, but I was able to get him into his carrier and that into the car. I just left the carrier open the whole time, and he was ridiculously well-behaved! He meowed a bit at the beginning but then he had a grand old time looking out the windows and then eventually just napped a bunch, and he always stayed out of the way. At a few rest stops I actually woke him up to make sure he was okay and not, like, dying of heat stroke or something, and he was totally fine.

At one stop he was clearly annoyed with driving and kept on getting in my lap and wouldn't let me start the car, but I snuggled with him for a few minutes and that seemed to satisfy him.

Anyway, now I'm in Ashland, OR, at the La Quinta (which I planned on because they're specifically pet-friendly). I ended up in the "Shakespeare Suite," which was their only single-bed room left for tonight. Maybe I should have made a reservation, but I can't complain, as this room is ridiculously nice, at least by La Quinta standards, and with a reservation I'd have ended up in a normal room instead. I think it's intended to be a honeymoon suite. I'm not sure why anyone would have their honeymoon in Ashland, OR, but whatever. Werner's just hanging out and being awesome, and I'm trying to catch up on all the Internet I missed today. The hotel has free wi-fi but it's pretty crappy so I'm just tethering my phone anyway.

And now, I'm going to make use of this jacuzzi, because I mean, it's paid for so might as well, right?

nicole just sent another shitty email

It has been sometime since we discussed your pet. Have you obtained the proper paperwork to allow the pet? I noticed some cat paw prints on the windowsill on our floor. This is evidence a cat has been in the common area of our building. We need to have a discussion regarding pets and as it stands now it is against the CCR's for you to have a pet. It is also not fair to other owners you have one and they not be allowed to if they choose. I am a huge cat lover and would love to have a cat (Dana is allergic so it will never happen). Before Dana moved in I considered getting a cat knowing full well it was against the rules an chose not to because I could not imagine having to get rid of my pet if I got caught. This issue and your situation is very sensitive but we have to follow the rules in the CCR's.

I replied:

I have the letter from my therapist, and Kelli has a copy of it. The SPCA no longer registers cats as service animals, but Kelli and I are under the agreement that the letter from my therapist is sufficient for our purposes.

If there are cat paw prints showing up on the window sill outside of my unit, then someone else must have a cat, because my cat stays in my unit. I do sometimes take him out back (on a harness) but I carry him there, and anyway the last time I did that was a few months ago. As far as I can recall he's never stood on that window sill, nor have I ever allowed him to.

I would have never adopted him if I'd known he was against the rules, but at this point I need him to keep myself together, and I am of course doing everything I can to make sure that my cat doesn't affect others.

Then I got an anxiety attack and replied again:

also you should realize that the tone of your message and repeated subject matter of this is giving me another anxiety attack at a time when I am barely hanging on as it is and I would really appreciate it if you approach things in a different way. asking questions rather than enforcing mandates and so on. also the law trumps CCRs, and the law requires that any unit owner not be restricted from having at least one pet for any CCRs which have been modified on or after January 1, 2001. Because our CCRs don't provide any means of enforcing the no-pets rule, they would have to be amended, meaning that the January 1 2001 clause comes into effect.

I have done everything I can to work with everyone on this and I really don't appreciate that the fact I'm trying to cooperate means that I am immediately the scapegoat for any cat-related issue in the building, especially when the whole reason I have a cat is to try to help me with my anxiety disorder which this situation only makes worse.

Nicole just replied to my email:

I am sorry for your loss. Yes, according to CC&Rs pets are prohibited in the building. I am not in favor of changing our pet policy. However, if the animal is a "companion" animal and has the proper certification it is by law allowable. This is limited to one pet I believe. I see no issue with you keeping your pet as long as you go through the proper channels and certification is approved. I just ask on a personal note that Werner have proper flea prevention measures.

Since she is the one who had an issue with pets in the building to begin with, this is a HUGE load off my mind.

I guess I need to finish getting him certified.

Here is a letter I am drafting to the other members of my HOA regarding my cat. I intend to send it after it goes through several revisions (and only if I've decided to keep him after all), as I don't want to cause particular conflict between myself and neighbors but I also don't want to give up my rights. Please let me know what you think.

Werner has been such a source of stress in my life in many aspects, and it's when I adopted him that I started getting the really bad anxiety/stress problems. Even before finding out pets aren't allowed in this building I was feeling like I should have never adopted him to begin with. He's a very high-maintenance cat and I just can't give him the attention he needs.

I love him a lot and I feel like this is the best thing for him. I'll probably post something to Craigslist tonight.

8:58 (But first I've emailed some friends of mine who also have a Russian Blue and have mentioned that said cat could use some companionship.)

even if my neighbors aren't.

We had an HOA meeting tonight and the subject of "pets in the building" came up (because of the issue that, as it turns out, has nothing to do with a pet that was in the building). Kelli (property manager) was good about keeping things under wraps regarding my situation. Nicole (next door neighbor) was VERY VERY ADAMANT that there should NOT be any pets in the building, because she has this seething hatred of yappy dogs and doesn't seem to care about the fact that different pets have different dispositions and it's really NOT THAT HARD to write a regulation that allows non-disruptive animals. The tone of the discussion gave me a major anxiety attack that was very difficult to hold back until the meeting ended (but I managed).

Anyway I'm feeling better because I found that there is a law that requires CC&Rs written before 2001 to be amended specifically with pet restrictions, and that there cannot be any restriction that entirely prevents anyone from having a single pet (i.e. it seems to require that a unit's owner be allowed to keep at least one non-disruptive pet). Also the CC&Rs don't state anything about dealing with violations of them (fines, removal of the pet, etc.) so that means that the CC&Rs themselves are illegal in this case.

Nicole is completely oblivious to the fact that I have a cat so obviously Werner is non-disruptive. So I'm feeling a bit better. I've forwarded this stuff on to Kelli, and in the meantime I've also asked my therapist to write a letter so I can get Werner classified as an "emotional support" service animal.

If my neighbors have a problem with this they can take it up with the law, because I am NOT losing this cat because a couple of busybodies are concerned about the possible disruptions due to a situation that doesn't exist. (Especially considering how many SEVERE disruptions I put up with, especially from these very same neighbors, on a continuous basis.)

When I first thought of adopting a pet three years ago I was absolutely positive that my HOA (HomeOwner Association) CCRs (Community Codes and Regulations) explicitly stated that unit owners can, at their discretion, keep as many as two animals that are not vermin and not for livestock purposes. I remember it quite clearly because of the way it was worded per livestock. Due to the non-stop stressfest that is my life since last August, Werner showing up in my RSS feed in December was a perfect bit of timing, and I was positive that I could and should adopt him.

It's been a bit over two months together and now I might have to say goodbye to him.

I've been slowly training Werner to go on walks.

I'm trying to stick to the protocol in that article, although I'm probably pushing Werner a lot harder than I should. At this point I've managed to take him out twice, once last Sunday and once this morning. Getting him into the back yard is a bit of a challenge but when I get him there he enjoys himself for a little while before he gets freaked out and wants to go back inside. When I do get him back inside he gets really confused by how different floors work; the hallway to the yard is downstairs from me, and he always tries to go into my downstairs neighbor's unit. Carrying him back up the stairs when he's already freaked out is even more difficult than carrying him down them to begin with.

So far he seems to enjoy the yard, though. It's just the getting between there and the apartment that's a problem.

Also, once he's outside he has absolutely no interest in the treats.

Werner is less-than-pleased, but my home seems to be filling up with robots as of late.

To wit, in addition to the two Keepons, I also now have a Sphero, a Neato Robotic Vacuum (which is so far way better than the Roomba ever was), and a Homedics shiatsu massager. The last one isn't generally considered a robot, but I can't really see anything about it that's any less robotty than, say, the Neato, and it's a labor-saving device that does something automatically and makes loud motor noises and keeps me from playing with Werner so in his mind it's all the same anyway.

I also got a PS Vita and a bunch of games for it and have basically just played a lot of Lumines because what other games do you need, anyway?

Basically my twelve-year-old self is really happy right now.

So after getting home and getting the aforementioned bill, I was very frustrated. I called the billing department, which of course had an overly-cheery answering machine that just said that the office was closed and to please call back during business hours, but to leave a message I could press 1. I pressed 1 and it just replayed that message. So I hung up.

Then I sat down to type up the angry blog entry previously, and Werner jumped on my lap and as always started getting "playful" with my mouse. I lost it and yelled at him, and he was completely shocked and ran off in fear. I felt like the worst person in the world.

A few minutes later he came out and I decided I'd play with him again with his favorite toy (a stick with a long swatch of multicolored fabric) to try to calm down, and then I just got another twitch while thinking about the stupid bill and everything else, and I just felt like I needed to let out a lot of anger and just started whipping at the ground and I guess I started swearing louder and louder, and then Werner ran off, completely frightened, yet again, and it was several minutes before I calmed down enough to find Werner and pet him and apologize and calm him down.

Right now he's sitting next to me, and I know that I wouldn't do anything to actually hurt him (and that if I did hurt him I don't know what I'd even do) and I just need to pet him and talk softly to him and not think about the things that make me so angry.

I need a healthier outlet.

At this point, Werner is basically Toby, only bluish-gray, and with a Shooby-esque tendency to headbutt (and Shooby-esque butt hygiene, unfortunately). We're getting along fine although he seems to get bored easily.

Also he's a dangerously smart cat. He's figured out how to open my closet doors, so it's hard to keep things off-limits from him. He especially likes the front hall closet, which is full of dust and crap and also potentially-dangerous tools that I'd rather he not prowl around near. But it's mostly the dust that I'd like him to avoid.

I think the big breakthrough came on Saturday when I decided to give him a bath (because his fur was filthy). He actually didn't mind it too much, and he's been a lot more affectionate since then. I did make the mistake of using some fairly fragrant shampoo on him, though, and he still smells of it, which makes me think that he hasn't been keeping himself clean since then, probably because of said shampoo. I think I'll just keep bathing him once a week or until he stops putting up with it.

Or "catus," if you will.

• They are not birds. The "duck" bill is an example of convergent evolution. They do not have feathers. They are not in any way "avian."
• Their eggs are soft-shelled and leathery like a snake's, not hard like a chicken's.
• The tail is shaped somewhat like a beaver's, but it's not actually a beaver tail (to start with, it's furred); it's a rudder and a fat reserve, not a piece of construction equipment. This also does not mean that they are in any other way like a beaver. In particular they don't have buckteeth, or in fact teeth at all. Moreover, this means that their tails are not like that of the following species:
  • Fox
  • Wolf
  • Squirrel
  • Dinosaur
  • Whatever the hell it is has long flowing locks of hair instead of a tail
• They do not have breasts or nipples. They secrete milk directly through the skin. I suppose you could take some artistic license and make them a bit curvy but they still shouldn't have gigantic nipples with areolae.
• Being monotremes (which literally means "one hole"), they have a cloaca, which the penis or vagina is hidden in. A hermaphroditic platypus would probably look just like a male platypus. They would not let it all "hang out."
• Also, if you really must insist on drawing one in a state of arousal, the penis has four heads on it.