I'm not sure how things got so far out of control. There are so many things I could and should have done differently, but I'm terrible at knowing what the right thing to do is in any given situation. I'm not good at handling conflict, and so I try to avoid it, and sometimes my way of avoiding it causes more problems than what I think it's going to solve at the time.
I do not think that we are suitable for one another, and I apologize for hiding away my true feelings for far too long and causing such a catastrophe when the mismatch finally became an issue.
I apologize for thinking that avoiding the issues would make them solve themselves.
I apologize for the way I treated you, and especially for not being up-front about why I was having trouble with hosting you after all. I did sincerely believe that I could make it work out despite my feelings, and it was only at the last moment that the rickety wall holding back all the feelings came crashing down. I apologize for deluding myself into thinking that things could work out until it was too late.
I'm sorry for giving you incorrect impressions, and allowing those incorrect impressions to run unchecked, and deciding it was easier to just let you run with it instead of making sure we were on the same page all along. I'm sorry for following in the footsteps of others who were doing or had done the same damn thing, thinking that made it justified somehow.
I'm sorry for hurting you, and anyone else I hurt along the way. I'm not perfect, but I try to learn from my mistakes, and this was definitely a big one to learn from.
I'm sorry for still being such a coward that I'm only going to post this here and am doing everything I can to never come across you at random, which is the reason I LJ/blog-unfriended and Twitter/MUCK-blocked you to begin with. And I'm sorry for not explaining that until now.
(But for what it's worth, I never blocked you from commenting on my blog or sending me email.)