Plaidophile

I had a fairly disturbing dream that I'd had a stroke. As a result, I could no longer draw any of my characters anymore (specifically I kept trying to draw Tamu but he kept on coming out like Homer Simpson). So I tried going down to the liquor store to buy some gin and instead I ended up paying $40 for a 6-pack of Tequiza, and when I got back to my apartment I couldn't remember what floor I lived on and the elevator had been turned into some sort of cable car which made a circuitous path through nearby office spaces and it was all very confusing. Then I thought someone had drank all the Tequiza and I couldn't really comprehend if the bottles had any contents or not, so I went back to the liquor store and the salesman was all, "No, see, that's a bottle of Tanqueray, and it's full!" and it was. And then I somehow got back home and my roommate drank it all anyway.

A young alcoholic developed diabetes. He needed to get an insulin pump, but this was stolen by an escaped convict who had recently become a pirate after coming across a derelict airship. Somehow I got caught up in the middle.

At first I was apparently friends with the pirate (who, incidentally, had a wooden leg and an eyepatch, but he was still wearing his orange prison jumper) because I thought the young alcoholic was a bit of a dick. But then I realized he was dying and couldn't get another insulin pump. I pursued him (mostly by hovertrain) until we both ended up at my parents' house. There was a long negotiation involving much cannon fire and me hiding behind a scrawny tree, but I appealed to his humanity (with the help of a friendly neighborhood sniper), and asked him (via SMS) to please give up the insulin pump; "consider it a charitable contribution, although I don't think you can take a tax deduction on it."

He realized the error of his ways, and left the insulin pump behind as he flew off to plunder loot from those who deserved a good plundering.

In the new Star Trek movie, the crew of the Enterprise lands on a cartoon planet, which turns them into cartoon characters. In particular, Chekov becomes Timon (from The Lion King) and starts singing the hook to The Lion Sleeps Tonight, badly. This attracts the attention of the local predators, and a swarm of raptors converges on them. (Of course they are feathered, and driving in off-road vehicles.)

I watched it on TV, and due to broadcast licensing issues with the music, Chekov/Timon couldn't even sing the actual Lion Sleeps Tonight hook which made it even funnier, somehow.

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I dreamt I was living in a piece of "edutainment" software. My job was to help the two young goldfish (who were living in a deep river) keep their ecosystem in balance. Apparently they liked burying the Chaos Emeralds (which they stole from Sonic the Hedgehog) under giant planks of plywood which they couldn't lift and so I had to solve their dumb puzzles to know where to position this specialized plywood-sheet-lifter. Also I lost the clues for how to unlock the padlocks they put on the last plank, but fortunately the locks were cheap and/or there was a bug in the game so I could force them open by just putting the key into the second hole first.

Apparently, when goldfish get all seven Chaos Emeralds, they are rewarded with electric guitars. Their electric guitars are tiny and hard to play and have built-in cheap reverbs which you can't turn off.

I dreamt that I was poking around on the Dreamhost control panel and found a little tutorial about how to make a metallic bezel for tables on your webpage. They had a little table-design applet and an accompanying video to explain the process — after designing the table, which involved manually coming up with a connectivity graph, they would use this graph to set up an electroplating rig (by hand) and lovingly plate the table bezel by hand and then take a digital photograph for you to use.

Snake was in a convenience store with his retarded pal Goro (who was working in the sanitation department) to buy some ice cream, when Superfly Johnson and CJ held the convenience store up. So it was up to Snake to sneak around the shelves of overpriced candy and bust heads.

(Goro like ice cream.)

Last night I had a dream that someone (my identical twin sister, I think) was lecturing me that dreams were meaningless.

Then I got a haircut at the community college. It was terrible. Then I got to the house that I had just bought and discovered I had an infestation of informational pamphlet droppers.

Last night I had a dream which was pretty convoluted and I don't remember much of it, but one salient plot-point was that for whatever reason, the ACM kept on sending me SIGGRAPH proceedings even though I was no longer an ACM member.

The bizarre thing was when I got home today, I had a large padded envelope from the ACM: which had the latest SIGGRAPH proceedings in it! (Specifically the "full conference DVD-ROM" set with all the papers, sketches, art gallery, and who knows what else on it.)

I haven't been an ACM member for two years and when I was a member it was pretty unreliable as to whether I got the proceedings or not (sometimes I wouldn't get them at all, sometimes I'd get two or three sets). Now that I haven't been sending them money for a while, I'm actually getting this stuff that I don't care about anymore. And having a dream about it before it happens. Peculiar.

I was up a bit early and so I decided to watch cartoons. The cartoon which came up was some version of Superman, except Superman's voice was that of Brock's (from Venture Bros.). He was building a flying cage platform to capture the active-resistance hippie robot drones (with laser beams) which were about to wreak havoc on Republican City, with the assistance of about 12 army men who he had flown up to the flying platform personally. In some brilliant move, Superman decided that sitting inside the cage trap was the best place for him and the army men when the robot drones arrived, and started shooting at everything.

"Oh no, now I'm going to be depressed," said Superman. "I should fax in a prescription with my SUPER FAX POWERS." He closed his eyes and put his fingers to his temples, and Aquaman-style 'thought waves' came out. Then the robot drones were in the cage and powering up to shoot everything, and he flew out the escape hatch above.

"Hey, wait!!!" shouted an army man.

I was trying to find my way to Peter Jackson's gaming party somewhere in the middle of nowhere near El Paso, TX. Because the people I was with were being totally unhelpful, I decided to try to find my own way instead.

I was running through some random corn field when I met Cherry.

I had a pretty long and complex dream last night.

My subconscious has gone into game design mode again.

So, since I've had this cold/sinus infection/bronchitis/blah stuff going on, I've lately been taking a Sudafed Nighttime before going to bed, which makes for a rather interesting experience. It's basically a sleeping pill with pseudoephedrine (which is a bit of a stimulant which I sometimes take to get high even when I don't need a decongestant).

The thing is that, well, I don't know if this is normal, but when it starts to kick in, I get hypnagogic hallucinations, only without the sleep-paralysis precursors. So it's like I'm dreaming while I'm really awake, and not just in a half-awake state.

I dreamt that due to FTC intervention, the laundromat started to let people into the secret place in back where all of the missing socks/underwear/shirts/relatives/etc. went. It was a huge, serpentine conveyor belt which went on forever in all directions, slowly but deliberately carrying a six-foot-deep pile of missing laundry. I was able to find a few of my missing pairs of socks pretty quickly. Strangely, everyone could tell what was theirs, and the honor system worked pretty well.

I also found some of my underwear, but I decided it'd be better to be safe than sorry and left it behind.

Slept another 10.5 hours last night. Had a lot of broken disconnected dreams.

In one of them, at work we ordered in Mexican food. I ordered the green chili chicken enchiladas. There was no green chili, and it was just a pile of cheese and tortillas and lettuce with a breaded fried chicken cutlet on top. Eww. So I added more chili on top and my coworkers thought I was weird for it.

Other one I remember is too personal to post about, even as friends-only. Sorry.

I slept for 11 hours last night, and had many odd dreams.

• I was on an airplane, and everyone was drinking Guinness straight from the can.
• My grandpa died, and left me his house in Chicago. The Roomba had a lot of fun chasing the mice in the basement. Jimmy, one of the maintenance crew at the building where I work, came along to be my manservant without my knowledge, but he kept on doing my laundry when I didn't want him to.
• My parents decided that it would help me with my job search if they'd give me their house and disappear. Suddenly I had all of the daunting tasks of maintaining their gardens and the various fish ponds and gazebos (the dream-version of their house was much more ornate than the one in reality — they don't actually have any fish ponds or gazebos) and all of the various water pumps gave out at about the same time, and then Jimmy tossed all of my clothes into one of the ponds which was full of dirty brown water.

There was a major scientific discovery in the world of botany: bananas would relay sound vibrations to other bananas through unknown means. The closer the bananas' genomes, the clearer the relaying would be. Two bananas from the same bunch could be used as an effective form of communication.

The cellular phone companies all went out of business practically overnight. Acoustic modems were fit to bananas to provide an instant world-wide communications platform.

Last night I dreamt that Shooby had just been hiding in my parents' attic, and had forgotten how to climb down the stairs.

When I woke up I remembered my parents don't have an attic.

A dream I had this morning. Maybe I've been getting too into this new comic style.