busybee fluffy rambles

It’s been a few days:

• Hurt: 5; he doesn’t seem to be in pain, but his belly’s gotten extremely distended making it hard for him to find a comfortable position, and his breathing’s a bit shallow
• Hunger: 8; still a hungry little man, still excited to steal my food in particular
• Hydration: 6; he doesn’t seem to be drinking as much now, and his eyes are constantly watery
• Hygiene: 3; his poop has turned reddish/coppery and smells awful, he doesn’t bother to clean himself and doesn’t let Fiona clean him either
• Happiness: 2; he’s still interested in food, he still purrs when petted, but he’s basically checked out
• Mobility: 3; stumbling, he’s still peeing in the box but just poops wherever
• More good days than bad: 3; he tires out quickly and just falls over where he stands, and he’s had a couple of minor seizures
• Total: 30; according to this, it’s time.

I’m not ready to let him go.

And more importantly, I don’t want to drive him to the vet. I don’t want to put him through that.

He still is passionate about eating and he seems to get a lot of pleasure from it. Is that worth keeping him around for though?

I’m hoping he dies peacefully in his sleep. I hope he isn’t in pain. I hope it comes quickly for him.

The in-home euthanasia services cost $400. Maybe it’s worth it.

It’s that time again:

• Hurt: 4; when he’s lying down his breathing is pretty shallow. He still isn’t expressing pain but he’s definitely disliking being picked up anymore. I’ve been managing his pain with CBD oil.
• Hunger: 6; he’s not quite so voracious right now. But that could also be because of how warm it is. Also the CBD oil.
• Hydration: 8; he’s still an incredibly thirsty boy.
• Hygiene: 7; he’s actuall pooping? in the box?? on his own???
• Happiness: 3; he seems pretty down in the dumps most of the time.
• Mobility: 3; still stumbling and seems off-balance. But he’s still able to jump up on the couch or bed when he wants skritches.
• More good days than bad: 6; he’s still trucking along.
• Total: 37; this is, um. Really close to the rubric’s cutoff.

I have fond memories of the show Night Court growing up. In particular, I have a fondness for the episode “Best of Friends”, which I’d remembered being a surprisingly progressive episode about trans issues.

I have been rewatching the entire series from the beginning, for the first time since the series ended in 1992, and “Best of Friends” was in fact surprisingly progressive for the era. It still had problems, though; it put the burden on the trans woman for having hurt Dan’s feelings, rather than on anyone else for not respecting her, and her new husband was seen as some sort of freak for daring to support her. But in the end, Dan more or less comes around and realizes that Charlene has done what’s right for her.

But oof, there is so much unnecessary, downright mean transphobia in the rest of the show. For example, in the episode “Hurricane,” there’s a few jokes about a baby being “transsexual” due to a miscommunication (which also involved Brent Spiner’s bumpkin character), there’s a common undercurrent of perpetrators wearing dresses for the sake of man-in-a-dress jokes, there’s some ridiculous gender-essentialism on display in “Bull Gets A Kid,” and in the episode “Rabid,” there’s a gag in which two Swedish women (of course) turn out that they “used to be men,” which they feel compelled to disclose in response to Dan saying he might have rabies — and them being transsexual is treated as far, far worse than said disease.

As a kid I remember a bunch of later-episode jokes about big burly men wailing that they are a “woman trapped in a man’s body” but I’d always chalked that up to 1990s edgelord humor, during a decade when every other episode of a sitcom would involve some joke about a woman being “really a man” or just generally being shitty. But no, this show ended up having it all the way throughout its entire run.

Sometimes I wish I could get the ear of the writers and producers of TV in this era and see how they feel about how they treated gender-diverse people.

And of course it’s not just the transphobia. In the first couple of seasons, this show is generally pretty gentle, and optimistic, and treats quirky people as the wonderful diversity of life in New York, but as time goes on, the humor just gets meaner and meaner. And even Harry Stone, perpetual boyscout and optimistic truth-and-beauty-seeker, joins in on the punching-down.

I’m about halfway done with the show, but I’m not sure if I want to finish it.

And just as I was writing this, the episode “Caught Red Handed,” which I was already not looking forward to due to some well-remembered blatant hypocrisy regarding sexual harassment, is making fun of feminism, with Christine going on a feminist rant, and then she gets pulled out of it — by a trans woman agreeing with her.

Again with the PetMD quality of life scale:

• Hurt: 4; breathing is still a bit shallow, and he’s getting pretty uncomfortable with just lying down on things without propping his front half up.
• Hunger: 10; holy heck this dude is a hungry little dude.
• Hydration: 7; still drinking plenty of water, but feeling a bit dehydrated.
• Hygiene: 5; he’s randomized where he decides to dump his load, but otherwise unchanged.
• Happiness: 3; he seems pretty checked-out lately, but he still wants to spend time with me and purrs when being petted.
• Mobility: 3; he’s slowed down further and stumbles a lot more. I think he’s mostly really off-balance because of his swollen liver.
• More good days than bad: 7; he still seems to be doing okay overall.
• Total: 39

Guess I should start making preparations.

As usual, rated on the PetMD quality of life scale:

• Hurt: 5; he seems to be breathing somewhat shallowly, and he seems to have trouble finding a comfortable position to lie in, probably due to enlarged liver.
• Hunger: 9; He’s still eating a lot and happy to enjoy food.
• Hydration: 8; Still drinking plenty of water throughout the day.
• Hygiene: 5; still peeing in the box, still pooping on the floor (now in my bedroom).
• Happiness: 4; loves to spend time with me, enjoys being pet, but has no interest in toys or catnip.
• Mobility: 4; he’s moving slowly, and stumbles while doing it. But he has no trouble getting on or off the couch or bed. And as stated, he’s still able to get into the litter box just fine.
• More good days than bad: 7; he’s been pretty affectionate for the last few days.
• Total: 42