Another day

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People keep on reaching out to me about Werner, which I greatly appreciate. I feel like I had gotten most of my grieving out of my system during the two months leading up to his death, though. Ever since I buried him yesterday I’ve felt, for the most part, fine. A certain clarity, a fog has lifted, and all that. I think my worry about Werner had been weighing me down greatly and now that he’s resting forever and at peace, everything is fine. Or at least better.

I’m still sad about his absence, and when I think about his final moments or look at any of the mementos I tear up a bit. But they’re mostly tears of joy, I think.

Fiona’s also gotten a lot happier too. I think she was spending a lot of time worrying about him and trying to take care of him, and it was wearing on her. Today she was extremely cuddly and affectionate with me for the first time since… well, since Werner got sick, I think. And she had a lot more energy for playing than in recent memory, too.

Today I stopped by his little grave and said some words to him, and Fiona came over too and sniffed a bit and rolled around. I think she can maybe smell him in there. Of course I’m going to visit him every day or so in order to water the hydrangeas, and I’ll probably be saying hi to him each time for a while, but as with all things that’ll probably fade. But I had put a Werner pin on the fence behind him, just a little reminder of him to see each time, at least until a raccoon steals it for being too shiny.

(Okay, thinking about visiting him makes me cry too.)

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A measure of Werner

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It’s that time again:

  • Hurt: 4; when he’s lying down his breathing is pretty shallow. He still isn’t expressing pain but he’s definitely disliking being picked up anymore. I’ve been managing his pain with CBD oil.
  • Hunger: 6; he’s not quite so voracious right now. But that could also be because of how warm it is. Also the CBD oil.
  • Hydration: 8; he’s still an incredibly thirsty boy.
  • Hygiene: 7; he’s actuall pooping? in the box?? on his own???
  • Happiness: 3; he seems pretty down in the dumps most of the time.
  • Mobility: 3; still stumbling and seems off-balance. But he’s still able to jump up on the couch or bed when he wants skritches.
  • More good days than bad: 6; he’s still trucking along.
  • Total: 37; this is, um. Really close to the rubric’s cutoff.

Werner status for 7/27

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Again with the PetMD quality of life scale:

  • Hurt: 4; breathing is still a bit shallow, and he’s getting pretty uncomfortable with just lying down on things without propping his front half up.
  • Hunger: 10; holy heck this dude is a hungry little dude.
  • Hydration: 7; still drinking plenty of water, but feeling a bit dehydrated.
  • Hygiene: 5; he’s randomized where he decides to dump his load, but otherwise unchanged.
  • Happiness: 3; he seems pretty checked-out lately, but he still wants to spend time with me and purrs when being petted.
  • Mobility: 3; he’s slowed down further and stumbles a lot more. I think he’s mostly really off-balance because of his swollen liver.
  • More good days than bad: 7; he still seems to be doing okay overall.
  • Total: 39

Guess I should start making preparations.

Werner status for 9/22

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As usual, rated on the PetMD quality of life scale:

  • Hurt: 5; he seems to be breathing somewhat shallowly, and he seems to have trouble finding a comfortable position to lie in, probably due to enlarged liver.
  • Hunger: 9; He’s still eating a lot and happy to enjoy food.
  • Hydration: 8; Still drinking plenty of water throughout the day.
  • Hygiene: 5; still peeing in the box, still pooping on the floor (now in my bedroom).
  • Happiness: 4; loves to spend time with me, enjoys being pet, but has no interest in toys or catnip.
  • Mobility: 4; he’s moving slowly, and stumbles while doing it. But he has no trouble getting on or off the couch or bed. And as stated, he’s still able to get into the litter box just fine.
  • More good days than bad: 7; he’s been pretty affectionate for the last few days.
  • Total: 42

Various updates

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fluffy health

So, I had a very bad experience with my doctor with this latest chronic pain flare (and the short-term disability leave situation), and with encouragement from my therapist I am switching to a different doctor. The doctor I’m switching to specializes in LGBT healthcare (and apparently 10% of his patients are trans) and also has a specific interest in treating chronic conditions, which is what I need.

I’ve also gone back to my self-determined physical therapy regimen. You know, the one that my GP and the pain doc and physical therapist she referred me to all think will cause more injury, even though it’s always helped me in the past. So far it feels like I’m actually making progress on recovery.

Said regimen:

  • Frequent powerball sessions
  • Upper-body stretching and partial chin-ups using a chin-up bar
  • Playing DDR (okay I haven’t resumed that yet but I’ll probably be starting that again soon, and I’ll be streaming it when I do)

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Werner update

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After he’d finished his course of antibiotics and antacid, he was doing pretty well. But today he’s started having bile vomit again, and he seems to be losing weight again as well. I think I also caught him drooling a little. It’s all very mild right now, but during the last scare it also started out pretty mild until it suddenly wasn’t.

He doesn’t seem to be in pain, at least, but he might be on the way out after all.

One funny thing is that he’s got no interest in dry cat food at all anymore (he’s probably finding it too hard to chew what with his horrible teeth) but he’s become extremely interested in everything I’m eating… salads, macaroni and cheese, sandwiches, pretzels, that sort of thing. I’ll give him little tidbits of the stuff he’s curious about, which at least makes him really happy, even if it’s probably not very good for him. But it brings him some amount of joy and that’s what’s important.

Werner updates

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Werner was unable to keep his liquid antibiotics down so yesterday I got him pills instead, at least for one of them (unfortunately the other one was liquid-only). He’s of course been lethargic but generally happy most of the time, and during my birthday party yesterday he mostly just hung out in my bedroom, but occasionally said hi to people — very uncharacteristic for him, and towards the end I even took him around to everyone to get pettings.

Anyway, today he’s been feeling a bit better, and I had a cheeseburger for lunch, which he got really interested in and wanted some of. So I decided that he can, in fact, haz cheezburger, and he’s enjoying it quite a lot, and eating way more than I’ve seen him eat lately. Really going to town on it. (I tried taking a picture for the meme™ but he was way more interested in snarfing it down than waiting for me to manage to get any shots in. Oh well.)

He’s such a good little guy.

Two new things about Werner

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So I learned two things about Werner today.

First, it turns out he was born either in early 2002 or late 2001, making him at least 18 years old, not 17 as I previously thought.

Secondly, the person I adopted him from is named Maelyn Dean. Congratulations, Maelyn! I’m so happy for you. I’ve been reading Real Life Comics since pretty close to the beginning, and could never bring myself to remove the RSS feed from my reader. Now I’m really glad for that.

I love how far the world of webcomics has come when it comes to trans acceptance, too. Back when I was starting out around 20 years ago, any time I brought up trans stuff in my deeply-personal comics I’d just get trolls shouting “NOBODY CARES!” at me, and I felt more comfortable just withdrawing and being evasive and metaphorical about it all. But since then, especially in the last few years, it’s become such a joyous world of acceptance and loveliness, and it’s amazing to see so many stories being told by people who are finally feeling comfortable being themselves after so long.

Comics are such a great medium for storytelling and I really want to get back into it at some point. Hopefully soon.