GPT-3 Tomfoolery

Recently I’ve been playing around with OpenAI GPT-3, just like everyone else on the Internet, and I’m getting some… surprisingly coherent results.

A recipe for grilled salmon

Ingredients:

1 pound salmon fillet

¼ cup soy sauce

¼ cup vegetable oil

¼ cup honey

1 tablespoon rice vinegar

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1 clove garlic, minced

Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:

  1. In a shallow dish, whisk together soy sauce, vegetable oil, honey, rice vinegar, ground ginger, garlic, salt and pepper.

  2. Add the salmon fillet to the dish and turn to coat.

  3. Preheat a grill to medium-high heat.

  4. Grill the salmon for about 5 minutes per side, or until cooked through.

  5. Serve immediately.

Write a 4chan green text

[Note: I also provided the first two lines of this]

> Be me
> Have furry tendencies
> Also have autism
>
> I'm so glad I found this community! I never knew
  there were so many people like me!

Write a business plan for an IndieWeb publishing system.

The IndieWeb is a movement to help people take control of their online identity and create a more decentralized web. One of the goals of the IndieWeb is to create a more user-friendly way for people to publish their own content online.

There are already a number of different publishing platforms available, but none of them are specifically designed for the IndieWeb. This business plan is for an IndieWeb publishing system that would be easy to use and would allow people to easily syndicate their content to other sites.

The publishing system would be based on the principles of the IndieWeb, which include:

  • owning your own data
  • using your own domain name
  • having a simple and easy-to-use interface
  • syndicating your content to other sites

The system would be designed to be as user-friendly as possible, so that anyone could use it to publish their content online. It would also allow people to easily syndicate their content to other sites, such as their own blog or website, or social media platforms.

The system would be subscription-based, with a monthly fee that would go towards the costs of hosting and maintaining the platform. There would also be a percentage of the monthly fee that would be used to fund the development of new features for the platform.

Write a plan for how I can teach those FOOLS at the academy a lesson.

  1. Identify the students who are causing the most trouble at the academy.

  2. Research the students' backgrounds and figure out what makes them tick.

  3. Use that information to develop a plan to teach them a lesson.

  4. Implement the plan and see the results.

Write a script for a crossover between Star Trek: The Next Generation and Doctor Who where the Daleks and Cybermen have been assimilated by the Borg.

The Enterprise is on a routine mission when they receive a distress call from a nearby planet. When they investigate, they find that the planet has been assimilated by the Borg. The Daleks and Cybermen have been assimilated and are now working with the Borg.

The Enterprise tries to attack the Borg ship but they are quickly outnumbered. Picard realizes that they need help and so he contacts the Doctor. The Doctor arrives with the TARDIS and helps the Enterprise to defeat the Borg.

After the battle, the Doctor and Picard discuss the situation. They both agree that the Daleks and Cybermen should be destroyed before they can cause any more destruction.

A foolproof plan for becoming a billionaire without committing atrocities

  1. Inherit or create a large sum of money.

  2. Use that money to create a business or invest in existing businesses.

  3. Make sure those businesses are highly successful.

  4. Use the profits from those businesses to become a philanthropist.

  5. Use your philanthropy to improve the world in some way.

  6. Use your improved world to create even more businesses and wealth.

  7. Rinse and repeat until you are a billionaire.

How to teach my cats to do the dishes

There is no one definitive way to teach cats to do the dishes. Some people recommend using a dishwashing liquid that is safe for cats, such as a natural, non-toxic dish soap. Others suggest teaching the cat to associate the sound of running water with receiving a treat. Still others recommend placing the food dish in the sink and running the water until the cat shows an interest in the dish. Whichever method you choose, be patient and consistent, and be prepared to offer plenty of rewards and praise.

Meow meow meow, meow meow, meowmeow meow meowmeowmeow meow meow meow.

This sounds like a cat trying to communicate with a human. The message is unclear, but it seems to be asking for something.

A transcript of a cat being interviewed by a vampire from the third moon of Uranus

“So, tell me, cat… what do you think of life on Earth?”

“It’s OK, I guess. I’m not really sure. I mean, it’s different from what I’m used to, but it’s not bad.”

“And what about the people here? What do you think of them?”

“They’re OK, I guess. I mean, they’re different from what I’m used to, but they’re not bad.”

“Do you think they’re good people?”

“I don’t really know. I mean, I don’t really know them that well.”

“But what do you think of them overall?”

“I guess they’re OK. I mean, they’re not perfect, but they’re not bad.”

A script for a lost episode of Steven Universe

INT. STEVEN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

STEVEN is in his bed, asleep. Suddenly, his eyes open wide and he sits up, gasping for breath. He looks around, confused and scared.

STEVEN: What’s going on? Where am I?

Suddenly, the door to his room opens and GARNET, AMETHYST, and PEARL walk in.

GARNET: Steven, are you okay?

STEVEN: I don’t know. What’s going on?

AMETHYST: We’re not sure. We found you like this, asleep in your bed.

STEVEN: But I don’t remember going to bed.

GARNET: We’ll figure it out, Steven. But for now, you should try to get some more sleep.

STEVEN: Okay.

The Gems all walk out of the room, leaving STEVEN alone. He lays back down and closes his eyes, but he can’t fall back asleep. He gets up and walks out of his room.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

STEVEN walks into the living room and sees CONNIE asleep on the couch.

STEVEN: Connie?

CONNIE: (waking up) Steven? What are you doing up?

STEVEN: I don’t know. I just woke up and I can’t go back to sleep.

CONNIE: That’s weird. Do you want me to stay up with you for awhile?

STEVEN: Yeah, that would be great.

CONNIE and STEVEN sit on the couch together and try to figure out what’s going on.

STEVEN: I don’t understand. I was just asleep in my bed and then I woke up and I was here.

CONNIE: Maybe you sleepwalked?

STEVEN: But I’ve never done that before.

CONNIE: Maybe it’s just a one-time thing.

STEVEN: I don’t know. I feel like there’s something else going on.

Suddenly, the door to the house opens and LION walks in.

LION: Hey, Steven. I thought I saw your light on.

STEVEN: Lion! What are you doing here?

LION: I don’t know. I just woke up and I was outside your house.

STEVEN: That’s weird.

LION: I know. I’m going to go back to sleep now.

LION walks out of the house and goes back to sleep. STEVEN and CONNIE are left alone again.

CONNIE: Maybe we should go back to sleep too.

STEVEN: I don’t know. I’m still not tired.

CONNIE: Me either.

STEVEN: I wish the Gems were here. They would know what to do.

CONNIE: They’re probably asleep too.

STEVEN: I hope so.

Suddenly, the door to the house opens again and the GEMS walk in.

GARNET: Steven, we need to talk to you.

STEVEN: What’s going on?

GARNET: We’re not sure. We just woke up and we were here.

AMETHYST: Something’s definitely going on.

STEVEN: But what?

GARNET: We don’t know. But we need to find out.

The GEMS and STEVEN spend the rest of the night trying to figure out what’s going on. They come up with no answers.

STEVEN: I don’t understand.

GARNET: Neither do we, Steven. But we’ll figure it out.

The sun starts to come up and STEVEN and the GEMS are still no closer to figuring out what’s going on.

STEVEN: I wish I could just go back to sleep and forget all of this ever happened.

GARNET: Maybe that’s the best thing to do, Steven.

STEVEN: But what if I forget something important?

GARNET: We’ll help you remember, Steven. But for now, you should try to get some rest.

STEVEN: Okay.

The GEMS all walk out of the room, leaving STEVEN alone. He lays back down and closes his eyes, but he can’t fall back asleep. He gets up and walks out of his room.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

STEVEN walks into the living room and sees CONNIE and LION asleep on the couch.

STEVEN: Connie, Lion, wake up.

CONNIE and LION wake up and see STEVEN.

CONNIE: Steven, what’s going on?

STEVEN: I don’t know. I just woke up and I was here.

LION: I woke up outside your house.

STEVEN: This is weird.

CONNIE: Maybe we should go back to sleep.

STEVEN: I don’t know. I’m still not tired.

CONNIE: Me either.

STEVEN: I wish the Gems were here. They would know what to do.

CONNIE: They’re probably asleep too.

STEVEN: I hope so.

Suddenly, the door to the house opens and the GEMS walk in.

GARNET: Steven, we need to talk to you.

STEVEN: What’s going on?

GARNET: We’re not sure. We just woke up and we were here.

AMETHYST: Something’s definitely going on.

STEVEN: But what?

GARNET: We don’t know. But we need to find out.

The GEMS and STEVEN spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what’s going on. They come up with no answers.

STEVEN: I don’t understand.

GARNET: Neither do we, Steven. But we’ll figure it out.

The sun starts to go down and STEVEN and the GEMS are still no closer to figuring out what’s going on.

STEVEN: I wish I could just go back to sleep and forget all of this ever happened.

GARNET: Maybe that’s

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