So tired

I’ve changed my Lyrica dosing schedule to take it all in the evening, which has helped a little with my fatigue but I’m still just so very tired throughout the day and can barely get anything done.

I’m also still in a lot of pain and can barely get anything done because of that, too. I feel like what few responsibilities I have these days are falling by the wayside and I feel awful about it.

In particular, I have a few pieces of music I need to get done soon and I want to get done but I just can’t work up the energy to do so. Plus I still want to finish the basement reorganization project and that just feels Bad right now.

This weekend was also pretty draining, from Song Fight! Live (which went well but which I have some Thoughts about which aren’t suitable for sharing in public), and then yesterday my ADHD support group had a somewhat-impromptu meeting at Cal Anderson which was a bit of a nightmare to get to and not worth the energy expenditure given how few people actually came.

I’m just so tired of being tired.

I’m fine BTW

Some folks wanted an update and didn’t see the webmention-based updates on the last entry. I discontinued the Effexor and the concerning symptoms subsided throughout the day, and I only had minimal withdrawal symptoms (basically just a few hours of extreme nausea and some really intense dreams for a couple nights).

I’m annoyed that this didn’t end up being a workable solution but I’m still holding out hope for the vestibular rehabilitation, as well as some other things I’m trying, and whatever happens I’m determined to survive and thrive, regardless.

Read more…

Jinxfexxor

Wellp, as usual, saying anything vaguely optimistic about a new medication has angered the side effect gods, as over the course of yesterday I noticed I was having progressively more trouble breathing and swallowing and a feeling of swelling in my throat, which is on the list of Effexor side effects to watch out for and to immediately contact your doctor about. So, I’m pausing the Effexor for now (hopefully having been on it for only three days at the lowest dose will minimize the withdrawal effects, ugh) and have sent a question to my doctor about it.

If dopamine regulation is so great, why doesn’t my brain just do it on its own?

Effexor

The only theory that anyone’s come up with for my vertigo issues that holds any weight is that they’re possibly vestibular migraines, so my neurologist put me on Effexor, which can help treat vestibular migraines.

It can also treat anxiety, fibromyalgia, and ADHD (which makes sense, as they’re all fundamentally dopamine dysregulation problems, and Effexor works primarily by regulating dopamine), so maybe this will be the magic bullet that helps me with everything. Several of my friends turn out to be taking it for their fibromyalgia and/or anxiety and they say it helps them somewhat, so, we’ll see.

Read more…

The agony of being

The last few days I’ve been having yet another awful chronic pain flareup. So it’s been one of those time periods when I kind of wish I didn’t have a body, or at least didn’t have to exist so much.

This time I don’t even know what brought it on, it just kind of came out of the blue, after a whole week of being too fatigued to do anything substantial.

I’m trying to finish up my remaining commitments for strawberry jam although everyone waiting for music from me is understanding and not in a huge rush. There’s one piece I want to get done today because the team is trying to wrap up development today but they also waited until the last minute to give me a specification for what they wanted so I’m not feeling too bad if I can’t get anything done for them, I guess.

Read more…

The ongoing miasma that is life

Today I somehow managed to tweak my back, right before I was going to do some gardening. I ended up doing the gardening anyway. This was, as it turns out, not a greaet way to help my back to feel better.

I got yet another letter from Social Security today, which I was expecting to be one of:

  • Outright denial
  • Yet another “adult function report” to be filled out by hand at great length/pain
  • Yet another “work history report” to be filled out by hand at great length/pain

Instead it was a notice of yet another “psychological function evaluation.” On the plus side, at least this one is going to be done via telehealth, which is at least an improvement over the last time. On the minus side, it means they’re still trying to deny me based on ADHD as my sole disability, an given how the last one went I’m guessing that the ADHD screening is also going to be incredibly reductive and not actually reflective of what ADHD actually is or how it interacts with my other disabilities.

Read more…