Rambles that are fluffy, by fluffy
My big fibromyalgia flare seems to have finally subsided, so I’m back to working on music, yay.
Right now I’m working on recording “Sunny Again” for Transitions. The Transitions version has ended up being somewhat more complicated than I was expecting, so this will take a while to get finished. But I really like the arrangement that I have, and I hope that I can pull it off.
Grab-bag of stuff going on for me, apologies for my usual unstructured rambling
It’s really unfortunate how I’m stuck in the hinterland between being too disabled to work but being too abled to get on disability (at least not easily). Dealing with Social Security has been super frustrating and I’m not expecting to get a full hearing or determination any time soon, so in the meantime I could really use some sort of part-time income. Not to mention having things to do that other people care about.
I am way too burned out on software engineering to do that anymore (I barely even want to write code for my own projects), but I would be super willing to do things like:
Anyway, here’s my resume.
I’m willing and able to work part-time in Seattle (remote-focused hybrid preferred) or remotely.
Wellp, I had another big panic attack while driving today. Worst one I’ve had in around a year, and my usual grounding and mindfulness things didn’t help. I had a vertigo attack while entering the tunnel to the I-90 bridge, and this very quickly cascaded to a full-on panic shutdown.
I managed to make my way to Mercer Island and stopped at a Starbucks to collect myself, and then was able to get back across the bridge to make my way to Rainier Ave to drive home via surface streets, and had a good cry when I got home.
I find this video incredibly relatable. I’ve not been formally diagnosed with any version of EDS but I definitely have some sort of hypermobility disorder, and it’s definitely related to my fibromyalgia diagnosis. Everything she shares in her story is super relatable. Including the specific experiences with physiotherapists and being doubted by every doctor, and everyone blaming me being “out of shape” or having a “weak core.”
Lots of stuff happening all at once.
Just the current haps, yo.
Ah yes, lots of frustrating stuff happening all at once, so much so that I’ve wrapped around to not caring about any of it.
Once upon a time I used to be hyperproductive. I’d spend 8 or more hours a day writing code, then I’d go home and draw comics for hours, and then on the weekends I’d write and record music. I’d have pain symptoms as part of it but that just felt like a badge of honor, and that it’d all be worth it someday.
Now I can’t hold down a job at all, I can barely focus on any of those things, and even holding a pencil to start drawing just feels like too much. I have so many ideas in my head and so much shit I want to be doing with my time, but every time I start to work on anything it just hurts too much.
Anyway, I figured I’d talk about a bunch of the stuff I wish I could be working on right now.
