Still, I persist

Ughhhh, this has been a heck of a week.

As usual I’ve been full of pain. And my brief surge of enthusiasm for working on music got cut kind of short because of it. But I’m hoping that tomorrow feels better and I can go back to the studio.

I’m also not sure where I stand with my fatigue. The last few days I’ve had to run quick errands by car and those felt fine. But I’m not feeling courageous enough to drive further just yet, especially with how any escape from White Center means following curvy roads which are especially triggering to me.

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Everything in moderation, including moderation

So, a couple months ago I started on Lyrica, which made me super fatigued and didn’t help with my pain any. And I got super frustrated about not being able to get anything done.

Over the last couple weeks I’ve been tapering off the Lyrica, and it’s made a huge difference in my energy levels: I’m actually able to do stuff again!

So of course with this surge of energy I’ve been Doing All The Things, with the inevitable result that I am now in incredible pain because I’ve overdone it (as you could probably tell by all the work I did on the streaming music prototyping over the last couple days). And of course, I got it to a spot where things are useful for a hypothetical future, but nothing anyone else can actually use just yet.

My life is such a precarious balancing act, huh.

So tired

I’ve changed my Lyrica dosing schedule to take it all in the evening, which has helped a little with my fatigue but I’m still just so very tired throughout the day and can barely get anything done.

I’m also still in a lot of pain and can barely get anything done because of that, too. I feel like what few responsibilities I have these days are falling by the wayside and I feel awful about it.

In particular, I have a few pieces of music I need to get done soon and I want to get done but I just can’t work up the energy to do so. Plus I still want to finish the basement reorganization project and that just feels Bad right now.

This weekend was also pretty draining, from Song Fight! Live (which went well but which I have some Thoughts about which aren’t suitable for sharing in public), and then yesterday my ADHD support group had a somewhat-impromptu meeting at Cal Anderson which was a bit of a nightmare to get to and not worth the energy expenditure given how few people actually came.

I’m just so tired of being tired.

I’m fine BTW

Some folks wanted an update and didn’t see the webmention-based updates on the last entry. I discontinued the Effexor and the concerning symptoms subsided throughout the day, and I only had minimal withdrawal symptoms (basically just a few hours of extreme nausea and some really intense dreams for a couple nights).

I’m annoyed that this didn’t end up being a workable solution but I’m still holding out hope for the vestibular rehabilitation, as well as some other things I’m trying, and whatever happens I’m determined to survive and thrive, regardless.

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Jinxfexxor

Wellp, as usual, saying anything vaguely optimistic about a new medication has angered the side effect gods, as over the course of yesterday I noticed I was having progressively more trouble breathing and swallowing and a feeling of swelling in my throat, which is on the list of Effexor side effects to watch out for and to immediately contact your doctor about. So, I’m pausing the Effexor for now (hopefully having been on it for only three days at the lowest dose will minimize the withdrawal effects, ugh) and have sent a question to my doctor about it.

If dopamine regulation is so great, why doesn’t my brain just do it on its own?