busybee fluffy rambles

Great stuff

Furality was amazing! Incredible show, met so many new people, caught up with some folks I hadn’t seen in a long time, had great conversations. Got so many lovely comments from people who saw my booth and then later recognized me in-world, and so many people just being excited about my music.

In the past week I also have had a steady increase of listeners on Spotify and Bandcamp, and I’ve gotten some nice comments on various social platforms.

Friday I have a choir show on Vashon Island, Saturday I’m booked for VRelium (on what happens to be my birthday), and Sunday I’m playing two short sets at Trans Pride VR, one at 3:15 PM PDT and one at 4:30 PM PDT. I am a busy bee.

Tire-fire stuff

So, the VRelium set is on my birthday. Which is June 14. Which you might also know as… someone else’s birthday.

I expect to not have a lot of people attending because they’ll be busy protesting, and like, yeah, I would probably be too, if I could.

I feel like I’m watching all of modern society crumble around me. I don’t want to be consumed by grief and fear, but at the same time, holy shit it’s hard to ignore.

And so many groups I’m in are at each others' throats. Social groups collapsing because of perceived slights and misdirected anger. Hair-trigger decisions being made based on misunderstandings and an unwillingness to discuss feelings.

Hurt people hurt people.

And this is all according to plan.

This morning I had an emotional breakdown in the shower. After that I felt fine. But not fine. But fine.

Ongoing miasma

Chronic pain: annoying, but manageable.

Vertigo: getting worse. Yesterday I decided to drive to Seola Park and had a mild vertigo attack which led to a major panic attack which led to a vertigo escalation. Thankfully I was able to center myself and never needed to rely on the comma3x (but it was nice to have as a safety net all the same), but it does mean I’m not yet ready to do longer drives to places.

Fortunately, I’m able to get a ride to choir tonight (I’ve actually been carpooling all season due to the vertigo issues), and tonight is the last time a rehearsal is taking place at our old location; everything else this season is accessible by mass transit, so that makes my life easier (even if the transit time will be an hour, but a relaxing hour by bus is a lot nicer than a stressful half hour by car). And next season we’re probably moving to a new location that’ll be transit-accessible, and I’m also probably taking a break from the choir anyway (still to be determined based on how I feel in, say, a month).

I’ve been struggling to keep my lawn and garden maintained, which is to say, I’m just barely keeping it to my bare minimum standard, which is to say, it’s a fucking mess. There’s a vicious cycle where I have too much fatigue to keep it maintained, so things get even worse, which makes it even harder to get it even back up to baseline.

There’s definitely a relationship between the vertigo and the fatigue. Sometimes allergy meds and Sudafed help. Sometimes they don’t.

I have good days and bad days, but I can never predict which is going to be which.

Today has been a particularly bad day.

The neurologist keeps trying to put me on different anti-epilepsy meds with the hope that my vertigo is actually migraine-originating, even though the vertigo attacks don’t really match a vertigo migraine profile. Each med, so far has, had awful side effects, and I’m not interested in trying the next one he has prescribed.

At a certain point I’m going to have to consider just selling my car and then exclusively using Lyft. It might end up being cheaper with the way things are going, anyway.

Some more positives

My parents are visiting next week for the big choir show! And my mom wants to learn to play the drums. I’m enjoying her retirement arc.

I’m also taking a short overnight camping trip to Vashon Island next month. (Hopefully driving myself, but it won’t be a huge deal if I have to take a bus to the ferry and a Lyft to the cabin.)

Song Fight! Live! will be happening in August and I’m looking forward to it.

I’ve meet a bunch of people online who live near me and hopefully I’ll be able to become real-life friends with them at some point too. One of them even lives basically just up the street from me.