Went back to the ER

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Last night I started feeling significant pain whenever I inhaled too deeply, telling me there was either pleurisy or another embolism happening. I gave it several hours to try to resolve on its own, and it just got worse and worse, so this morning, I headed to the ER.

And there I waited, and waited, and waited, and then after around four hours of nothing happening while just sitting in the waiting room in agony, the pain had resolved itself, and I could breathe normally again.

So I asked about being discharged early, and was told to wait, and wait, and wait, and it was another hour or so before I was able to leave.

Anyway I’m back home now, and hopefully this is the last of the COVID drama in my life for a little while.

I’m so tired of being sick

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I hate how every time I get sick, be it with COVID or anything else, I spend so much time feeling worthless and like I’m in limbo and like everything is passing me by.

I’ve got stuff to do but I’m feeling way too tired to do any of it and I’m full of depression right now. Post-COVID everything just feels so pointless, and I also feel so alone.

I’m supposed to be getting my set together for Song Fight! Live, but I’m just full of negative self-talk and a feeling that nobody gives a shit about me or my music. I hustle so much trying to find anyone who wants to work with me on anything and the best I can find is endless unpaid work for exposure which never amounts to anything.

I forced myself to take a walk today and it was nice to get out of the house but I still just felt so alone with my thoughts, and those thoughts weren’t great to listen to.

Sometimes it sucks to live alone.

Current health status

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I seem to have made it through the worst of the COVID. My fever’s mostly gone, and my cough is way less severe (which is good because oh my god does it hurt to cough anymore). I’ve lost five pounds since Friday but also I’m finally getting my appetite back so hopefully I can cushion some of that.

Because of the current surge, the antivirals are all super out of stock, including Molnupiravir which I’d gotten a prescription for (unfortunately Paxlovid isn’t safe for me to take due to my blood thinners). I had a followup with my GP yesterday and we decided that based on my progress I don’t really need it anyway. (She also doesn’t think the nodules they found on Sunday need a followup.)

As usual I seem to have a secondary bacterial infection in my lungs, judging by the phlegm I’ve been coughing up, but hopefully that’ll clear up in a few days and I won’t need antibiotics for it. For now I’m just taking pseudoephedrine and guaifenisin which is my usual “sit it out” protocol, since I’m allergic to most antibiotics and am super worried about antibiotic-resistant bacterial strains (and anyway Washington State guidance is to wait a week if possible before prescribing antibiotics for lung and sinus infections).

Usually when I get COVID I use QFC’s overpriced grocery delivery service (which is really just Kroger-branded Instacart), but lately I’ve been shopping at Safeway more so I figured I’d try theirs out instead, and wow, it was way cheaper, just $4 + tip for my whole order. We’ll see if the ice cream survives.

I am super fatigued right now and that’s making it even less feasible for me to work right now. It hasn’t even been a week since I was exposed, much less the onset of symptoms, so I have to remind myself that it’s totally normal to feel this way after an illness, especially COVID which usually wipes me out for months afterwards. I’m just hoping that given how quickly the disease progressed this time, so will the post-infection fatigue.

I feel super guilty about this but I’ve started up a gofundme to help defray some of my ongoing financial issues. I’m hoping I can ramp up on freelance stuff soon (not that I’d been having much luck with it before this, anyway) but at this point I’m mostly just hoping to carry things forward until I can finally get on disability. I do want to genuinely thank everyone who’s contributed so far, even though I feel really weird about accepting the money. I’d rather be getting it from random rich people and not, like, people I know, who I feel could probably use the money more than me? If that makes any sense? Gah.

This outbreak has been pretty devastating to the choir; at least 15% of us are sick, probably more. A lot of us are disabled or immunocompromised. I hope we’re going to see a return to our old masking+testing policies; they’d been relaxed this season in keeping with King County infection statistics, and we were caught totally off-guard by this surge. It’s a very hard lesson learned for the future.

In some positive news, my parents (who were visiting for the choir show) are not testing positive, and I’m glad they were here when I needed them most.

Discharged and at home

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I’m back at home. They did a CT scan but there wasn’t anything too concerning, it just seems that I was coughing hard enough that I had a minor bleed in my lungs, exacerbated by the blood thinners I take due to my clotting disorder. The prognosis is to just not take my blood thinners for a few days and to do the usual hydration/plenty of rest/etc.

The CT scan did find a couple of probably-unrelated nodules on my lungs which are probably nothing but will need a followup.

Anwyay tomorrow my prescription for molnupiravir should finally come through. It’d have been nice if I could have started on it yesterday when it was prescribed but supplies are limited right now. But it should at least help me to recover much more quickly.

covid update

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i’m in the ER because I started coughing up blood this morning. so much for releasing my new avatar today…

Covid III

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so I’ve gotten COVID for a third time, an this time it’s hitting me way harder and for the first time I’m having a Very Strong Positive test result. I thought I was just having really bad allergies (and antihistamines were working) but today when I got home from the choir show I started to feel really off, and out of an abundance of caution I took a test. The reaction was pretty much immediate.

Fortunately my parents happen to be in town for the choir shows and they want to help me out while they’re still here, and my insurance provider has a virtual doctor that can prescribe paxlovid, so hopefully things will work out okay.

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Birthday plans 2024

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Hey y'all! My birthday is tomorrow, June 14! I will be turning 0x2E. Or 0b101110 if that’s your preference.

Anyway. Normally I’d use that as a reason to have a huge karaoke blowout on VRChat Friday evening, but I have a big choral show on Saturday and some of the pieces need my full vocal range, so I’m not going to risk fucking up my voice for Saturday.

So instead I’ll have birthday karaoke in VRChat Saturday evening! I’m thinking it’ll start at, say, 7 PM Pacific Time. You can join off me if you have me friended or I’ll be posting an instance link on my discord.

Also, to help with the celebrations, I’ve thrown together a party hat.

Furality Umbra: a brief review

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Furality is the largest virtual furry convention, which takes place annually in VRChat. This past year (Umbra) was also the most highly-attended furry convention of any kind ever, with a whopping 21,000 attendees!

I’m just a nobody when it comes to furry stuff, especially cons, but I figured I’d share some of my observations, good and bad, especially in comparison to the other two Furality events I attended (Luma Festival and Sylva).

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Some income would be nice

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It’s really unfortunate how I’m stuck in the hinterland between being too disabled to work but being too abled to get on disability (at least not easily). Dealing with Social Security has been super frustrating and I’m not expecting to get a full hearing or determination any time soon, so in the meantime I could really use some sort of part-time income. Not to mention having things to do that other people care about.

I am way too burned out on software engineering to do that anymore (I barely even want to write code for my own projects), but I would be super willing to do things like:

  • Music
  • Sound design
  • Video editing
  • Character design
  • 2D and 3D art
  • Game design

Anyway, here’s my resume.

I’m willing and able to work part-time in Seattle (remote-focused hybrid preferred) or remotely.