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Shadowbox Confessional

17 years ago

[[In a confessional booth]]

Girl: Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.

[[The reverend waits for more.]]

Reverend: Yes, do go on?

Girl: Oh.

Girl: Well. Where to begin…

Girl: I have so many things to confess to.

Reverend: Why don’t you start with the simplest, then?

Girl: Well, okay.

Girl: I… I used the last bit of mayonnaise.

Reverend: …And?

Girl: Well, I bought a new jar to replace it. But that’s not important.

Reverend: Er, okay…

Girl: Also, I parked at a meter and it expired, and instead of paying the fine I just added more money before I got a ticket.

Reverend: But you didn’t get a ticket?

Girl: Right.

Reverend: So why would you pay a fine?

Girl: Because I was parked illegally!

Reverend: Be that as it may, you did not commit any sort of sin.

Girl: Really?

Reverend: Yes, and it is the same with the mayonnaise.

Girl: Oh.

Girl: What about when I took a thirty-seven-minute shower?

Reverend: Not a sin!

Girl: Ate stale bread?

Reverend: Nope.

Girl: Put off cleaning?

Reverend: Nope!

Girl: Had a cookie before dinner?

Reverend: My child, do you even know what a sin is?

Girl: Sure, it’s when you do something wrong.

Reverend: Well, not precisely… It’s when you do something which is an affront in the eyes of God.

Girl: But how can I offend someone that doesn’t exist?

Reverend: …

Girl: Hello?

Girl: Father?


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