Denied again

Wellp, today I got yet another denial from social security, which tells me this ain’t gonna change any time soon.

The previous denial came with a whole bunch of transphobia and also a claim that I am able to work, doing jobs which simply aren’t available and not reflective of the reality of my situation.

I haven’t received the formal denial yet, just the notification that my appeal was denied, so I suppose in a couple weeks I’ll be getting another giant packet from SSA to fume over.

In the previous denial they cited two things, namely:

  1. that I successfully underwent HRT for transgender transition (as if that has anything to do with disability)
  2. that I am good at managing my money and therefore don’t really need it

Point 1 is just plain asinine and I don’t think it needs any further explanation.

Point 2 is also asinine, because like, yes my finances can hold out for many years (especially if I continue to live minimally/frugally), assuming the economy doesn’t shit itself and wipe out my savings (which is super likely), but what I’m seeking isn’t the money so much as the ability to access Washington State social services that are all gated behind a disability determination, which is then linked to receiving Social Security.

If I were to pay for those same services out-of-pocket (which I have been doing on occasion but am trying to avoid needing more of), I certainly wouldn’t be financially solvent for very long. Because hiring help is expensive.

I have great difficulty working more than an hour or two a day, on average, and nobody would want to hire me part-time if that means only working at best 10 hours a week, with extremely unpredictable availability.

I’m making basically nothing on my music right now, nobody wants to hire me for the kinds of software I do (at least, not at the rate at which I’m able to do it), and I’m in pain — often excruciating — most of the time. When I’m not in pain I’m too fatigued to do anything. I try to get exercise when I can but if I overdo it just even a little tiny bit then the next few days I can barely function at the most basic level.

I’m also too fatigued to feel safe driving. Like, I’ll go to the grocery store a mile away and that’s about it. I’ve driven my car all of 12 miles over the past month.

I’m also reaching the point where even if I were to be declared disabled I’m no longer eligible for social security income anyway; the requirement is that you’ve worked 5 of the past 10 years, and freelancing doesn’t count. So that’s:

  • 11 months of HBO (February 2016–January 2017)
  • 10 months of UW (December 2018–October 2019)
  • 30 months of shitty tech jobs (January 2020–June 2022)

So, 51 months over the past 10 years, when the minimum is 60.

In theory since I filed for disability sometime in 2023 it should be backdated to 2013 (and if I were to be granted disability I’d be owed backpay back to when I first filed for it), but my understanding is that it doesn’t actually work that way.

So basically, I’m pretty much screwed on the social security front. And if I make it to 65, I probably won’t qualify for it then, either, because my work credits will have been long gone.

And yes, I have been working with an attorney on this. I have to mention that because every single fucking time I talk about a social security denial people tell me I should be working with an attorney. The attorney is also baffled as to why I keep getting denied.

But even more frustratingly, it’s difficult to see a future for myself just because I’m in so much pain and always so tired and having difficulty even taking care of the basics of my life, much less all the things I want to be doing.

Whatever happens I’m going to run it all into the ground and keep going as long as I can, but holy crap is it hard to see a future right now.