Ketamine IV

get it? IV like 4 but also like IV drip?

ha ha funny

this one started a bit late both because of traffic issues but also because my blood pressure was higher than usual at the start, so i was on uh. osme ommooilk some blood pressure reducing thing like clonadine or

yeah clonidine

anyway um

used the Fez soundtrack which turned out to be a mistake, like the beginning and end of it are both perfect but the middle, hoooooo boy so intense

oh also i just got home and i’m still a bit loopy sorry

anyway it was still an interesting experience like as I fell into the alternate reality I lost track of all time and the order that things happened in and this time a lot of the stuff was about my comics and the little worlds I’m creating and how so much of what I was feeling must be what Juni[Zero] is going through all the time and I definitely definitely want to finish tha tstory and i think soon i will be able to maybe? idk

and I had a lot of worries about me “doing something wrong” or about like. have my actions been bad to others but I was also very happy with how I’ve taken control of my biology and how it’s really freaking cool to be trans and neutrois like I took this biological process and fixed it for what I needed and that’s amazing

and had a major feeling of how like

people might not Get It or understand gender but that’s okay because we’re all just biological processes and we do what we do just like platypuses and trees and rivers do

anyway i also like. always lose track of everything and wonder about my job and how people see me and what’s happening in the world and people are dying and scared and being born and happy and everything is nothing and objective reality is a lie and the subjective experience of reality that our brains just filter from all this glorious wonderful mess is just a matter of perception and i’m gonna keep letting this meat puppet do what it needs to do to survive but i, myself, am just… outside of it, somehow

this time i had another period where the universe is pottery on a wheel and I’m not very good at forming it yet but I’m going to keep practicing and maybe someday I’ll make a pot and it’ll be okay and it’s an act of creation and that’s really cool even though the universe has lumps of hard bits sometimes but it’s all just clay

and i thought about music and how i don’t really know what it is or where it comes from or how i make it and i haven’t played piano or cello or guitar or violin or drums enough lately and when i’m feeling put back together i should make much more music because the universe is music and music is everything

this time i also brought Abby Platypus with me because chris gave her to me and so much of Unity was kind of about me and Chris, like Juni was sorta me (only not) and Tanya was sorta Chris (but very much not) and I mean one time I actually did have a background cameo of me and Chris as a kayohash and an octona (smack-dab in the middle of the comic) and I miss him but also everything ends eventually and it fucking sucks how I was only able to feel anger at him for the last 10 years, I was only allowed to feel anger because of what he’d done, and it’s unfair that he was taken away from the world because that’s the only way he felt he could make things right

but I want to keep telling stories, they already exist and I just need to record them so that others can see it

I wish I could bring a video recorder there with me, I wish I could just show you all how I feel

we are all very small and we are all connected and we are all just biological processes doing the best we can with what we can and that is okay

i love you all


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