Death poop from hell

Ugh, not only was the medication itself making me incredibly nauseous, but it was making me incredibly constipated, and I had my first death poop from hell since last December.

CW: poop talk

So yeah what ends up happening from time to time is I get really constipated, which ends up triggering my vagus nerve, and so the progression always goes something like this:

  1. For a couple of days I’m constipated with only small bowel movements
  2. I wake up in the middle of the night with intense cramping in my bowel
  3. I run to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and nothing comes out
  4. Then things start to move, and there will maybe be something really hard and dense that comes out…
  5. …but then I start to feel tingly and faint and start sweating bullets
  6. Then I need to lie down on the floor for a bit; if I don’t I might end up fainting (this has happened a couple times)
  7. Meanwhile, my colon is like, oh hey there’s something not right here, and it starts flooding my stool with moisture
  8. So now I’m really dehydrated, but I’m able to get up and back on the toilet, and then a bunch of mostly-normal stool comes out
  9. And then a bunch of pudding-like substance (that does not smell at all like pudding)
  10. I might lie down on the floor again, this time because of exhaustion and dehydration
  11. My colon is now happy! Oh but it’s still been flooding with moisture, so now I need to get back and evacuate a thin brown liquid
  12. Also I’m still sweating bullets and by this point I’ve probably taken all my clothes off too, in a last-ditch attempt to cool off (even though I’m not actually hot)
  13. If I left my bathroom door open my cats are probably licking me out of concern but also to enjoy my tasty, tasty sweat
  14. Eventually the waves of bowel urgency interspersed with exhaustion ease off, and I crawl into the shower to clean myself off before going back to bed
  15. The rest of the day my head feels strangely clear, like I’d been congested for a week but then had a really good nose-blow or something

For the last several of these I’ve also brought my phone or iPad with me so I could take notes to try to figure out particular food triggers (turns out methyl cellulose is a bad one, and is used in a lot of bulk-forming laxatives as well as a lot of gluten-free foods). You’ve read this far so maybe y'all will find this entertaining:

4/27/18 @ 3:30,AM
Woke up with extreme cramping, usual rush to toilet and near vasovagal response. Episode lasted 1 hour. Previous day was constipated and only had small BM.
Previous day food:
Lunch: ikea veggie balls
Snack: goldfish crackers
Dinner: cold udon w sesame dipping sauce, 2 gyoza, 1 egg roll
Post dinner: 1 slice pizza (wheat, tomato sauce, cheese, meats)

10/25 4:00
Cramping and gas but no rush or vasovagal
Previous day:
Breakfast: fruit smoothie w. Metamucil
Lunch: 2 slices pizza (Pagliacci)
Snack: donuts
Dinner: scrambled eggs

12/28 23:30
cramp gas loooots of poo and vasovagal
had been very constipated earlier
continued colorectal spasms
almost passed out but didn’t. was able tolay on f\loofr first
lunch: chicken gyro wrap, whole wheat tortilla from berliner
dinner: chicken quesadilla, too much cereal after i got high
previous day: lunch was chicken burrito from chipotle, dinner was chicken quesadilla and too much cereal after i got high
death poop while high: NOT RECOMMENDED
second rpound of crampiong and poo surge at 0:01
painfiul cramps second time but no vasovagal yet
poo smells like the quesadilla chicken

8/25/19 7:30 am
Had been constipated for past several days from
Whole thing took about an hour
Unprecedented FOURTH WAVE at 9:15 (after shower)

So anyway, I’m going back to 200mg/day of gabapentin for now.

On the plus side I lost 3 pounds.


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