Rambles that are fluffy, by fluffy
Just had a realization that this massive current big-fatigue problem started right around when I started on Lyrica, which hasn’t helped with my pain at all, and I do recall mentioning the fatigue to my doctor and her suggesting some other things to try, but uh, maybe this is just as useless for me as gabapentin was
sure is great having a treatment-resistant chronic disorder or two
I’ve been struggling with my fibromyalgia + chronic fatigue lately. So hard for me to do any of the things I want to do. I can push myself into it for something especially compelling but that ends up wiping me out for days afterward. And I feel like I’m missing so much time, too.
Even driving a mile to the grocery store and navigating things there and doing the very basics is A Lot for me right now. Driving is such a large amount of effort and I feel like I can barely make it there and back safely.
Song Fight! Live is this weekend and I’m having a hard time even seeing myself being able to participate in it at this point, at least to the level I want to.
I’m so fucking tired, and then I have people around me shaming me for not being able to do the things I want to do, as if I don’t want to be doing them, as if I can just magically summon the fucking energy that isn’t there.
Everything is just a lot and there isn’t a whole lot of stuff out there filling me with optimism. Like, all of the information about chronic fatigue syndrome is that there’s no treatment, it’s all about ✨managing your energy✨ but I’m already doing the bare minimum to exist and even that is too fucking much for me.
I still have so many songs and stories and games in me but they’re just fucking locked inside.
I need help.
Here’s some things going on these days, since it’s been a little while since I’ve posted here.
I got very little done this week and I’m feeling pretty bad about it.
Okay so a couple months ago I finally rearranged my bedroom, having spent four years here and finally realizing that the layout could be a lot better. It was a one-day project where I was just rearranging stuff and it’s made a huge difference to my quality of life, but it didn’t require any cash outlay, just a lot of energy and such.
While considering that stuff I also started to consider a rearrangement of my living room (for the same reasons), and Sunday I started to enact that plan, only to quickly discover that the particular furniture I have wasn’t a good fit for things and that my idea would make a bunch of aspects of my living room way worse.
Grab-bag of stuff going on for me, apologies for my usual unstructured rambling
I got back from Denver very late last night, and boy were my arms tired. And legs. And body.
Lesson learned: if you have the option to take a much earlier flight and it only costs $50, take it. That is much better than wandering around the Denver airport for 8 hours. Or, failing that, the $79 to get an admiral lounge day pass isn’t really all that bad either.
Anyway. Today was mostly a day of recuperation, and I was in extreme pain in my back and right shoulder. I was supposed to go to the STANCE annual meeting but I was way too tired and in too much pain to attend. I did at least virtually attend a yoga session to work on my shoulder a bit and it helped somewhat, and the instructor also gave me some good stretches specific to the pain I was feeling, so, that was super helpful.
So, I’m 44 now. I’m just as surprised as anyone.
Since a couple folks have asked, I’m still the same as the other day, which is to say, tired, with a mild cough and pretty bad fatigue. I’m actually able to get some work done, though.
Also, yesterday I finally got a positive COVID test, although the T line was extremely faint. But at least now I know these tests aren’t completely worthless, even if it only told me what I already knew and well in retrospect.
So, I was worried about having “long COVID” and/or protracted amounts of fatigue after this, and, unfortunately, that’s come to pass. I had pretty bad fatigue leading up to the respiratory symptoms, but in this week since the worst of the cough subsided, it’s been even worse. I’m constantly tired and fatigued and I have a bad headache that just won’t go away, and I’m barely able to do things that I need to do, much less the things I want to do.
This past weekend I did end up assembling the drum kit like I said I would, and that took a lot out of me. I played the kit for a few minutes and it was more than I could really handle. Then I decided to work on some other music, and I could barely press down on the strings on my bass, and had to stop after just a couple minutes. I tried playing guitar instead, and that was just as bad.
And the next day my body felt like I’d run a marathon or something.
