Muppet Speed Dating Dream log


Have you heard the latest craze? it’s Muppet Speed Dating! Here’s how it works.

First, your soul is transferred into a muppet. Then you sit at a grid position, and you face one of your neighbors. The devil tells you to RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE, and then you stand up, and you and your neighbor get two prompts, one for each hand. Try your best to do both prompts at each other!

The prompts might be an action like “wave,” “have sex,” or “uchi wa-wa.” It’s up to you to figure out what that means!

You have three seconds, and you will be judged.

Remember to keep track of your achievements and failures. Send us a screenshot to get a free commemorative button.

Do this for as long as you like, but don’t overdo it. We don’t want you to become addicted and oversaturated. After all, the devil wants to see as many different souls as he can.

Just remember to mix it up, and always uchi wa-wa as best you can.



“Open Pod Building Management, how may I help you?”

“Yes, I just arrived at my new apartment, and it’s definitely not in a livable condition and I’d like to terminate my lease.”

“Ah, could you tell me what’s wrong with it?”

“Oh, gosh, I’m not sure where to begin… well, for starters, it’s on fire.”

“Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. But could you tell us all of the problems with it? We need to know in order to evaluate whether there is something we should do to fix it.”

“Hm, more than it being on fire? Well, I suppose that while I was in there I noticed a lot of problems, like the tiles being cracked and the faucet having a leak.”

“Oh, well, I’ll definitely need more information about that. Which specific tiles were cracked, and how did you determine that?”

“Um… I’m not sure, just like. A bunch of them?”

“That’s not enough for us to take action on. Also, you mentioned a leaky faucet, are you certain that it’s leaky and not that you simply don’t know how to shut it off?”

“Don’t know how to… shut it off? I’ve used plenty of faucets before. I’m pretty sure I know how to turn this one off.”

“Oh, don’t use your other faucet experience as a judge of whether you can turn these off. They are made for very advanced users, and they are much more flexible than normal faucets, so of course someone who isn’t experienced with them may see them as having a leak.”

“Um… okay, well, regardless, I can’t really use the faucets anyway. On account of the, you know. Fire.”

“Well, that’s just typical, a new resident showing up out of nowhere and thinking they know what’s better for things, but not even being willing to give it a proper time to see if it works for them.”

“I mean, I’d love to, like ideologically I agree with what you’re trying to achieve, it’s just… you know. The fire makes it somewhat difficult to live here, but even without that, I mean. The fact the toilet is in the middle of the kitchen is a bit alarming, as well.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but someday you’ll come to appreciate what we’re building. But in the meantime, I highly suggest that whenever you talk about the burning apartment, it does everyone a favor if you could actually go into detail about all of your issues and be clear about when and how you experienced them, so that others don’t get the wrong impression of whether this is a current issue or not.”

Basic communication


“Ah, yes, the universal translator seems to now be attuned to both of our languages. Now we may begin our cultural exchange.”

“Absolutely! So, let’s start with the basics. How do you represent numbers?”

“Most cultures on our planet use a system where we write our numbers out in a string of digits, where the most-significant digit comes first, and the number itself is the sum of each digit multiplied by the base to the power of its position from the right.”

“Ah, interesting. Our common notation is quite similar. And how many digits do you have in your number system?”


“Oh, what a coincidence! We use a 10-digit system as well.”

“Curious. How did you arrive at that number of digits?”

“Well, we each have 10 phalanges on our distal manipulators, so it was a fairly convenient means for our number system to develop.”

“Ah, the same for us. … Except, ah, you only seem to have 8 phalanges.”

“What’s 8?”

“The number after 7?”

“Oh, strange. You see, we call that number ‘10.’”

Clatter Neologism


Mass noun, referring to a multitude of keyboards (cf “herd of cattle,” “murder of crows,” “convention of furries,” etc.)

botchknight Neologism


Someone who attempts to help or save someone else without regard to whether they need saving or if they even know how to do it. The end result is invariably making things worse.

“I was only trying to help,” said the botchknight.

“YOU BURNED MY HOUSE DOWN. Do I even know you?!”